


The Parts That Are Easiest To Give

by anorienparker



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-22
Updated: 2012-02-22
Packaged: 2017-10-31 14:29:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/345074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anorienparker/pseuds/anorienparker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jayne and Simon want each other, but Jayne is afraid he’ll break him if they ever got physical.  When Simon is captured by the Alliance and imprisoned, however, Jayne has time to search his soul and figure out if he can be the type of man who can (or wants to) change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Parts That Are Easiest To Give

Title: The Parts That Are Easiest To Give  
Author: Anorienparker  
Fandom: Firefly  
Pairing: Simon Tam/Jayne Cobb  
Beta: The stupendous  
Rating: NC17  
Words: 29,452  
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don’t own these characters nor do I make any money from this.

 

~*~  
Chapter 1: A Defining Moment  
Chapter 2: I have a type?  
Chapter 3 This Is Not Something Beautiful  
Chapter 4. Reunion  
Chapter 5. Second Chances  
Chapter 6. We're together now?  
Chapter 7. A Few Steps Forward  
Chapter 8 When Things Go terrible Wrong  
Chapter 9 About Time

~*~

Chapter 1 - A Defining Moment

~*~

There comes a moment in everyone’s lifetime, Simon believed, that changes everything. A decision, a statement, a question, a look. _Something_ that alters the course of your life, and maybe even someone else’s.

As he sat at the table in the bar/whorehouse with the rest of the Serenity crew, all except Jayne, who sat at the bar, he had no idea that moment was upon him. 

Kaylee elbowed him in the ribs, causing him to jump. “Well, why don’t you just go get him?” she asked, not even trying to keep her voice low. “You ain’t took your eyes off him all night, and now that I understand how things are with you, well, I ain’t gonna try and keep you from what you want, Simon. We’re friends now...and friends want each other to be real happy, don’t they now?”

Simon’s face turned a few shades of red as he looked around and saw that everyone, even River, was looking at him. He’d been staring at Jayne again, lost in yet another fantasy. He realized that no one, with the exception of River and Kaylee, seemed to think what he was about to do was a good idea.

“I don’t see this workin’ out,” Mal said, his gaze resting steadily on Simon. “He ain’t your type, Doc. It’s as plain as the nose on your face. You need you somebody a little more...refined.”

Simon looked over at Jayne again, then back to Mal. “And what if I’m sick of refined? What if I think he’s just my type? Is that going to be a problem, Captain?”

“Folks ruttin’ on my ship ain’t never been a problem,” Mal shrugged, leaning back in his seat and looking pointedly at Zoe and Wash, then stealing a quick glance at Inara. “It’s when it turns to more ‘n that that things get messy. Don’t have time for no broken hearts and teary-eyed foolishness on my ship, I’ll tell you that right now.”

Simon turned his attention back to the man at the bar and nodded slightly. “I understand. If things go south, there will be no teary-eyed foolishness, I assure you. I will keep my problems to myself.”

“Now, I ain’t meanin’ you can’t tell me if there’s a problem,” Mal interjected. “Cause I expect there will be.”

“Captain, I think his mind is made up already,” Zoe said, nudging the captain’s leg under the table. “For the record, most of us think it’s a bad idea....but if your mind’s mind up, Simon, then you best be gettin’ over there. We’ve got to be back on the ship in near an hour and get back to work.”

“It’s a good idea,” River said vaguely. She’d turned to watch a woman in the corner of the room dancing, and Simon thought she was no longer listening. “It’s necessary too, for both of them. Supposed to happen. Fate. Destiny. That’s why Simon picked this ship – he just didn’t know it.”

Even Simon turned to stare at River when he heard that remark. Now wasn’t the time for questions though. If he was going to do this, he decided, he needed to do it now, before he lost his nerve. 

Zoe sighed and shook her head as Kaylee stood up with Simon and fussed over his vest and hair, making sure he looked just right, which, of course, he normally did any way. She ushered him off with a “good luck there, cowboy,” then sat back down, wishing everyone at the table didn’t look so worried about Simon. He’d be fine, she was sure.

~*~

“Mind if I join you?”

Jayne turned to see Simon standing by him, looking all pretty and smart and completely out of place. “Free planet, I reckon,” he shrugged, turning his attention back to his glass, which was already empty again. He motioned for another, then stared straight ahead into the mirror behind the bar. If one looked closely, they would have seen he was looking at Simon’s reflection, but most people didn’t tend to look closely at a man like Jayne Cobb.

Simon sat down and ordered a drink of his own, having left his other one at the table with the rest of the crew.

After nearly a full minute of silence, Simon turned to Jayne. “This is rather a nice planet, don’t you think? We’ve not run into trouble yet, so...”

“‘s good as any other, I guess,” Jayne said, cutting the doctor off and making no effort to continue the conversation.

Simon toyed with the bowl of pretzels in front of him, then tried again. “Mal said we’re heading to...”

“Doc, what is it you want?” Jayne said, turning on his stool and facing Simon directly. “You didn’t come over here to talk about the planet or Mal’s plans after we leave here. So what are you lookin’ for exactly? Unless you need something moved or someone killed, I ain’t got nothin’ to say to you.”

Simon had been around Jayne for several months by then, so he wasn’t at all surprised by his directness.

“Fair enough,” he said, worrying his bottom lip for a moment before plunging right in. “I want you to take me upstairs, Jayne. Or back to Serenity.”

Jayne’s eyebrows lifted a few inches. “Take you....why in the ruttin’ hell would I want to take you upstairs or back to the ship, Doc? Ain’t nothin’ upstairs ‘xcept the rooms for hire and...” He stopped short and despite himself, let his eyes drift up the stairs to the rooms he knew all too well. “You want me to stand watch while you take somebody up there or somethin’?”

Simon shook his head patiently and even smiled a little. “Jayne, I know you’re as likely to go into the kitchen and have....I mean, ‘go rutting’ with some cook or bartender as you are to take one of the women for hire up to those rooms. What I’m saying is that I know you prefer men over women and since I’m....well....I want you to take me to one of those bedrooms and I.....I want us to....have intercourse.”

This time, Jayne’s brows furrowed a little at just the way the doc was talking. He must have been born with a stick up his ass, that was all Jayne could figure. Then it hit him exactly what Simon was wanting.

“No. I ain’t sexin’ you up, Doc,” he said, shaking his head and lifting his hands as if to ward off the very idea. “Yeah, I like men and all that, ain’t got no problem admittin’ that, but I ain’t...not you.”

The look on Simon’s face made Jayne feel like someone had punched him in the gut. 

He’d wanted Simon since the day he’d seen the man. And that desire had only grown when the traveling crate River had been in had been opened and the naked, hysterical girl had come tumbling out. Everyone had frozen in place, everyone except Simon, who’d broken loose from Jayne’s hold, gone over to her, soothed her like one of those people that talked to wild animals and calmed them down. He’d wrapped his arms around her and whispered that she was safe. For a man like Jayne, who’d never known a gentle touch in his entire life, it made him want to be River, batshit crazy or not.

“What I mean, is you can find yourself somebody pretty and proper like yourself,” he went on. “I ain’t fit for the likes of you and we both know it.”

Simon looked oddly relieved at Jayne’s words and actually reached out to lay a hand on the man’s arm. “Jayne, I know what I want. And I want you. I have since I first saw you, and even though you drive me absolutely to the edge of reason with your less-than-kind remarks and your foul temper, I still want you.”

Jayne shook his head and pulled his arm away. “No, you don’t doc. Wouldn’t be right. You need…”

“I need you,” Simon said, turning toward Jayne a bit more and spreading his legs just a little so Jayne could see the beginnings of a bulge in his perfectly creased black pants. “I get this way every time I’m around you, Jayne.”

Jayne’s eyes flickered down, then back up to Simon’s face. He wasn’t about to get into something with a man like Simon. He’d hurt him somehow, either his body or his head, he had no doubt about that, and as much as he pretended to hate the man, he was really already half in love and fully in lust with him. The first time Simon had looked at him with those blue-grey eyes, Jayne had felt something inside him stirring, coming to life. 

Which was exactly why he wasn’t going to fuck him.

There was no way in hell he was going to go gettin’ mixed up with someone who made him feel all funny inside.

“We can either do this here,” Simon continued, ”or we can take it back to the ship where we’ll have to be a bit quieter.”

Jayne could hardly believe what he was hearing. He couldn’t figure out what in the gorram universe Simon would want him for. “ _Burang zhangyang_ , (hush up) Doc! You ain’t thinkin’ straight. You want to go ruttin’ around, you need somebody who’ll be easy.” Jayne shifted on his stool, not wanting Simon to see that he was standing at full attention below the bar.

“I don’t want easy.” Simon stood and looked steadily at Jayne until Jayne met his gaze. “I’m a big boy, Jayne. I can handle myself. I think I’ve proven that by now. I know exactly what and who I want, and since you haven’t outright said you don’t want me back, then I’m assuming that in theory, you’re not opposed to the idea.” 

Before Jayne could argue, Simon leaned in and kissed him full on the mouth. One hand rested on the back of Jayne’s neck as their lips met and Simon was happy to note that his little surprise tactic worked, at least for a moment. Jayne was kissing him back for all he was worth. Their tongues met and before he knew it, Jayne’s hand was in his hair, fingers tangling among the soft, dark strands, holding Simon in place. The pressure on his lips was hard, bruising even, and when Jayne seemed to realize as much, he quickly pulled way. His eyes were dark and dilated as he ran the back of his hand across his mouth and saw, from the corner of his eye, that Mal was on his feet. Even though Simon had started the kiss, it looked one-sided after the first second and clearly, Mal thought Simon was about to pay for his impulsiveness.

“See?” he nearly growled, glaring at the man before him. “I ain’t easy or gentle.”

Simon stood there, breathing heavily, face flushed and lips red and swollen, looking more like he’d been hit in the mouth than kissed. “If I wanted easy, I’d have approached someone else,” Simon said stubbornly.

Jayne’s eyes narrowed and he felt an unreasonable anger wash over him. “You want me to take you upstairs?” he snapped, standing and grabbing Simon’s arm, then nearly dragging him across the room to the staircase. “Then I’ll take you up the gorram stairs but when you have to have somebody carry your sorry backside back to the ship ‘cause you can’t walk, I don’t want to hear about it.”

Jayne’s grip on Simon’s arm would result in bruises the next day and while part of him cringed at the thought, another, darker part of him thought Simon deserved it for being so foolish.

Jayne pushed Simon into the first empty bedroom they came to, stepped in after him and slammed the door. Without waiting for an invitation - or a protest - he grabbed Simon, pushed him hard up against the wall and ripped the buttons off his fancy silk vest. Simon’s shirt followed a moment later, ripped and roughly pushed open and then Jayne was on him, kissing him harder than he’d kissed him in the bar, tongue down Simon’s throat and rough, calloused hands pulling at him. Had this been anyone but Jayne, Simon would have been scared, felt violated even, but this - or some variation of it - had been what he’d expected. What he’d just asked for. And though he’d never been touched so carelessly before, his cock was already stiff and swollen with anticipation.

Simon’s hands reached up to Jayne’s chest; not to push the other man away as Jayne half expected, but to unbutton his shirt and push it aside. It surprised Jayne a little; in the back of his mind, he thought the Doc would have gone a little squirrelly on him and regretted his invitation but that didn’t seem to be the case. Simon was still as hard as Jayne and though most of the mercenary’s brain was pretty damned shocked at that little revelation, part of him couldn’t help but feel good about it as he leaned in and ravished that soft, warm mouth again.

He felt Simon pulling away a little though after a minute and sneered. “Changed your mind, did ya? Knew you would.”

“No.” Simon licked at his lips and looked appreciatively at Jayne’s bare torso. He let one hand tentatively reach out to rest over the soft, short hairs that covered the center of Jayne’s chest, fingers combing gently through the dense mass.

After a moment, he blinked and looked up. His hand moved to his lips, rubbing them lightly, wincing at his own touch.

“I haven’t changed my mind Jayne, I just…” He looked at Jayne’s face then, seeing rejection already written there, features ready for the big man to go from horny to furious with Simon’s next words. “…needed to catch my breath,” he managed, noting something akin to relief in the steely blue eyes looking down at him.

“I wanted you. Still do,” he said leaning up and wrapping his arms around Jayne’s neck, pulling him back into a kiss. It was no gentler than the last one, but at least this time, Simon knew what to expect. 

Jayne was surprised at how good the kiss was. Simon tasted sweet, like the candy he used to steal when he was a kid when he slipped off to town to try and find food. A few of the vendors at the market in the town he’d been born and raised in had taken pity on him at first, this skinny, ragged, half-starved child who seemed scared of his shadow, but after he’d take their offerings, usually an apple or slice of cheese, he’d come right back and steal from them. After that, he’d been publicly flogged more times than he could count from the men he stole from and still bore the scars from every beating.

“You taste good,” he murmured, completely forgetting himself for the moment. “Like peppermint. Ain’t had peppermint in…” 

Simon smiled and let his hand rest on the side of Jayne’s face. He knew Jayne liked peppermint, had heard him telling Kaylee that one morning, so he’d chewed on one earlier. He knew pretty much everything there was to know about the man, as he listened and watched him at every opportunity.

Simon had a soft touch, Jayne thought to himself as he leaned into it without thinking. He didn’t really understand what it meant or why Simon would waste it on him though. Still, it felt nice and he didn’t try to move away, for the moment anyway.

“You taste like whiskey,” Simon said, pressing his face against Jayne’s neck and his lips over the throbbing artery he found there. Then, just so Jayne wouldn’t misunderstand, he quickly added, “I love the taste of whiskey.”

A small growl escaped from Jayne and Simon felt himself pushed back against the wall. Rough hands worked quickly to unfasten his fly and before Simon could register what was happening, his pants and underwear had been pushed down and his erection was free. If Jayne had any doubts about whether Simon really wanted him or not, they were laid to rest then. 

Despite the obvious desire, Jayne didn’t understand what this whole thing was about. He wasn’t in any mood to talk either, though, and found himself angry once again at the man before him for not explaining himself further. “This what you want, Doc?” he breathed, wrapping his fingers around Simon’s dick and pulling just a little too hard, making Simon stand up on his tiptoes and gasp in pain.

It hurt but was exciting too, in ways Simon didn’t expect. “It’s a start,” he breathed as he reached for the fastener on Jayne’s pants.

So he just wanted a quick fuck, Jayne decided. For some reason, he’d thought Simon was the type to want wine and roses and all that gorram nonsense, but maybe he’d been wrong. Jayne was confused and when he got confused, he lost what tiny bit of manners he’d managed to acquire over the last few years.

Jayne brushed Simon’s hand aside. “Don’t do that,” he snapped, grabbing Simon’s hand and holding it above his head and against the wall. Jayne didn’t trust any man to go fishing around in his pants; they could cut his balls off or bite his pecker and have him helpless - for a second or two anyway. Perfect chance for a killin’. Why Simon might want to do something like that didn’t really cross Jayne’s mind but then again, he’d never been in this situation. With everyone else, once they’d gotten into the bedroom, his bartender or whore or whoever he’d picked up for the hour bent over, spread their legs or their ass cheeks and Jayne took care of business. When it was over, Jayne would clean himself off and leave. That’s all he’d ever known so this… _kissing_ was already too far out of his comfort zone for his liking.

Even after Jayne pinned both hands to the wall above Simon’s head with nary a word of disagreement from the smaller man, Simon was rubbing his body up and down Jayne’s like some _ben de_ cat in heat.

Simon was looking up at him with those pretty blue eyes that didn’t even look scared though, and Jayne was torn between being worried he’d break the doc, leading Mal to throw him off the ship, and that he was doing something wrong because really, Simon _should_ be scared.

Simon wasn’t the type to need anything, even a gorram fuck, from a man like Jayne and Jayne knew that. Now he just needed to convince the doc of that so they could get back to hating each other.

Jayne pressed harder on Simon’s wrists, leaving red marks. “Gonna leave bruises all over that pretty white skin of yours,” he said, jerking Simon’s cock hard. He wasn’t used to touching another man like that, in their nether regions - there wasn’t a need when you were just fuckin’ them. They could damn well take care of themselves if they needed to, in Jayne’s opinion. 

Except he had Simon’s arms above him and jerking him off....well, it just seemed like the thing to do. At least, it had stopped all the kissing and touchy-feeling shit that made Jayne squirm inside in ways he didn’t understand. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to get Simon off, though, or teach him a lesson, and not knowing his own mind pissed Jayne off even more.

He worked Simon’s cock hard and fast, thinking that any minute Simon would struggle to get away, or beg him to stop. His hand was too rough, the thin fluid that seeped from the tip of Simon’s cock wasn’t enough to make all the jerking comfortable and he was sure he’d accidentally slapped the side of his palm against Simon’s balls hard more than once. But despite all that, Simon was still hard as a rock and trying to get closer to him, which just served to make Jayne all the more frustrated.

“I ain’t gonna fuck you,” Jayne warned. “You couldn’t take it, so we’re just gonna get this out o’your system and not speak on it no more.”

Simon was breathing hard and writhing against the wall as the words sunk in. He wanted Jayne to fuck him, but couldn’t seem to say as much because all the blood in his system had left his brain and concentrated down in his cock. “ _Zhu zui,_ (shut up) Jayne,” Simon panted. “You talk too much.”

Jayne’s hand faltered for a moment in surprise. One thing he’d never been told before was that he talked too much and the thought struck him as kind of funny. Only he couldn’t really laugh right then because Simon was rocking his hips against him, pushing that swollen cock into his fist and managing to work his hip right up alongside Jayne’s own dick at the same time. Quite honestly, Jayne wasn’t much better off than the Doc at the moment and he damn well knew it.

“Jayne…Oh God! Jayne…” Simon bucked in Jayne’s hold and his head hit the wall behind him, for some reason making Jayne wince. Simon felt his balls drawing up and knew he wouldn’t last much longer. Before he could say as much though, Jayne’s hold on his cock loosened just a little and Simon could feel the entire length filling and twitching violently. With a breathless moan, he came hard over Jayne’s fingers, body tense and stiff as a board as he spurted up onto Jayne’s stomach until finally, he was spent and literally hanging from that bruising hold on his wrists.

Simon closed his eyes for a few blissful moments, then opened them again when Jayne released him. Jayne looked both confused and pissed off and Simon wasn’t sure whether he should duck or just wait for Jayne to decide what to do next. “I still want you,” Simon confessed.

Jayne simply stared at Simon for nearly a minute, eyes narrowed, breath coming in harsh pants. Without realizing it, his free, come-covered hand finally moved between them to pull out his own hard shaft. He had never let many people suck him off before but he figured he could kill Simon easily enough even if he tried something stupid.

When he realized how close they were, how their bellies were touching and he had Simon’s semen on him, that even their lips had somehow drifted back together and Simon was actually tilting his head up for another gorram kiss, he jerked and took a step back. “Suck me off then,” he demanded as he pushed Simon hard down to his knees. “That’s as close as you’re gonna get to having my dick in you.”

It wasn’t what Simon wanted exactly for tonight, but yes, he’d thought about this before, about sucking Jayne off and making the big man turn to putty. He wasn’t at all embarrassed as he licked his lips and pushed Jayne’s pants down, not even when he moaned softly as he shifted on his now bruised knees to get closer to that huge, swollen knob at the tip of Jayne’s cock.

Simon didn’t hesitate and it didn’t even cost him an ounce of pride. He wasn’t ashamed to admit he wanted this, wasn’t embarrassed to let Jayne know it. 

As his lips slipped over the tip of Jayne’s cock, the big man nearly staggered back. He’d paid for this a time or two, but only when he’d had a gun at the ready just in case things got hairy. Now, he wasn’t even thinking about his gun, which was laying in his holster along with his pants and belt on the floor. All he could think about was how warm and soft Simon’s mouth was, how he wasn’t even feeling the scrape of teeth like he had on the few occasions he’d let this happen before, and he wondered if Simon was being careful or if this was how it was supposed to be done. A little part of Jayne needled at him a bit at that thought because he sure as hell hadn’t been careful with Simon.

All thought left him a second later when Simon took him in deep, relaxing his throat until Jayne half expected to see the back of Simon’s neck bulging out with the head of his cock pushing on it. Then, suddenly, his eyes suddenly closed on their own and he couldn’t have seen it anyway if it had happened. When he finally managed to open them again and look down, all he could see were those full lips wrapped around the base of his cock and Simon’s nose buried in the nest of dark hair between his legs. Then he saw fingers tangled in Simon’s hair and nearly jumped when he realized they were his own - and they seemed to be moving almost gently through the dark strands. 

He didn’t _do_ gently and the part of his brain that was still functioning suddenly wondered if he’d had a stroke or something and lost control of half of his body. As the feeling of a tongue moving along his cock made him gasp and his fingers suddenly tighten though, he understood that he’d just lapsed into some kind of sexed-up-state of mind and there was nothing to worry about. 

Jayne’s hand guided Simon’s head then, not caring if his fingers were hurting the other man’s scalp or not - except there was no real need to control him because damned if Simon’s head wasn’t bobbing on its own. Long, delicate surgeon’s hands rested on Jayne’s bare hips and Simon’s eyes were closed, like he was enjoying what he was doing. 

As the rigid flesh inside Simon’s mouth swelled even more, the doctor redoubled his efforts and heard the air whoosh out of Jayne’s lungs.

It didn’t take long, as Simon was very, very good at what he was doing, until Jayne was gritting his teeth to keep from making any noise. Finally, with nothing more than a grunt and a rough pull on Simon’s hair, he came hard and filled Simon’s mouth with his release. He held Simon’s head still as his hips moved and as he fucked the doctor’s sweet, wet mouth, and thought vaguely that he’d never felt anything quite as good in his life that didn’t involve a tight hole and widespread legs.

When he heard the sound of gagging and felt hands on his hips trying to push him away, he sneered and pushed Simon back. “Told you you couldn’t handle me,“ he said as he grabbed Simon’s vest from the floor, cleaned himself with it and then tucked himself back in his pants. 

“Now, we gotta get back to the ship so get yourself together and get out of here.”

With that, Jayne was gone, leaving Simon in the room alone, on sore knees, with aching wrists, a tender scalp and a mouth that tasted of Jayne’s semen, which tasted stronger and hotter than any other Simon had ever had before.

“I can handle you just fine, Jayne Cobb,” the doctor said softly as he reached for what was left of his clothes and slowly got to his feet.

 

~*~

Chapter 2 - I Have A Type?

~*~

Weeks went by and though Simon tried to talk to Jayne about their ‘situation’ as he liked to think of it, Jayne was having none of that. On two occasions, however, as he walked by Jayne’s room, he was unceremoniously dragged inside, pushed to his knees and felt the merc’s thick cock rubbing against his lips until he opened his mouth.

The first time, when it was over, Jayne picked Simon up by one arm and pushed him back out into the hallway, leaving him to fend for himself, which meant, of course, that Simon went back to his own bunk and finished himself off, the taste of Jayne’s semen in his mouth and his name falling from well-used lips. The second time, however, as Jayne jerked him up off the floor, Simon was ready. Catching the bigger man off guard, he pushed Jayne back onto the bed. Simon unzipped his pants, grabbed Jayne’s hand and nudged his own already aching erection with it. He barely managed to hide his surprise when Jayne didn’t argue. Instead, Jayne muttered something Simon couldn’t understand and started to jerk him off, though he still took the time to grab Simon’s wrists and hold them above him again, as if he thought Simon was going to try and fight him off if things didn’t progress the way he thought they should. 

As he got impossibly harder under that rough, careless touch, Simon tried to kiss Jayne and at first, Jayne pushed him away. Simon was persistent, though, used to getting what he wanted, and twenty minutes later, he left with a spent cock, the taste of kisses and come in his mouth, bruised, painful lips and a smile that pretty much told the whole world he just gotten laid in some form or fashion.

When he passed Mal in the hallway, the captain gave him a long, searching look, shook his head and sighed in what sounded a lot like frustration.

~*~

Simon wanted things to change. _Needed them too._

And they did only a few days later.

They were in Linbata, a quaint little trading town that was about as far from an Alliance base as a town could possibly be. Mal and Zoe told everyone they could handle the pickup alone, that they wouldn’t need anyone else for this simple run. The rest of the crew was free to go into town and have some fun as long as they were careful. Simon had on his trademark vest and button up shirt, but Linbata was hot this time of year, or so Inara told them, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. 

As they were walking out, Mal turned to say something to Simon. He stopped short, then seized Simon’s arms, bringing them both up between them, thumbs running gently over the bruises he found there. “What the…” He looked up to meet Simon’s eyes. “You okay with this?”

Simon blushed but was smiling at the same time. “Very.”

Mal hesitated just a moment longer. “You need me to stop this, I…”

“No.”

Mal sighed, then dropped Simon’s arms when he saw Kaylee getting curious and looking like she was going to come over to see what was going on. “I don’t take kindly to violence on my ship,” Mal says quietly.

Simon nods. “I know. It’s not violence. It’s just Jayne. For now anyway.”

Mal shook his head then made his way out of the cargo bay door, slowing only a moment to give Jayne the stink eye, which the big man completely ignored. “Don’t want nobody hurtin’ my crew,” Mal said as he strolled on by. “Won’t put up with that, no matter who’s responsible.”

A second later, Mal and Zoe were gone and Kaylee wandered over to Simon. “Want to come down to the engine room and play some cards?” she asked everyone at once, but the invitation was clearly directed at Simon.

“I’ve love to, but I need to head into town and see about some antibiotics and maybe some more catgut. I’ve had to sew so many people up these last few weeks, I’m nearly out.”

He started toward the cargo bay door himself and was surprised to hear footsteps behind him. When he looked over his shoulder, he saw Jayne there, following right behind him, big as life and twice as mean-looking. “Capt’n don’t want no body goin’ out alone, so I guess I’ll have to go watch out for ya,” he sighed, seeming to be put out by the whole ordeal. “Go on, and don’t take all day. I ain’t got time to waste on shoppin’.”

Simon wasn’t in the mood to argue, or to tell Jayne he could take care of himself, so he simply shrugged and headed out the door. He didn’t see Wash looking at the two of them with a knowing grin or Kaylee looking after him with such longing.

The two men didn’t say a word as they head toward town. There was so much Simon wanted to talk about and just as much Jayne didn’t and they were both stuck in the middle of some ugly deep valley that had wormed its way between them. Simon couldn’t tell if those all-too-brief encounters made that valley wider or closed it up a bit and at the moment, he was just too confused to try and figure it out.

Nearly an hour passed before they were ready the leave the pharmacy and Jayne finally spoke. He seemed a bit surprised that Simon didn’t want him to carry everything, but didn’t argue. He was used to everyone having him do the muscle work and some of the bags Simon carried looked a little heavy. But, as Simon didn’t ask, Jayne didn’t offer. 

“Tavern’s over there. I’m parched.”

Seeing as how Simon felt he’d apparently thrown a monkey wrench into Jayne’s entire day, he agreed and changed course to the building Jayne nodded toward. He turned a few heads as they entered the bar, but he was used to that. Men who looked like him and dressed like him weren’t all that common in taverns and the looks were usually of derision or lust or a nice healthy combination of both.

They made their way up to the bar and Simon ordered a whiskey, looking pointedly at Jayne as he did so. When there was no reaction, he sighed and turned around to study the other patrons, deciding to leave Jayne alone until the walk back, when maybe, just maybe, Jayne might be a bit more civilized.

“What are you drinking?”

Simon turned to his other side to see a man who was much like himself in size and build, wearing a neatly cut and expensive suit with a dark green tie that made his eyes sparkle. “I‘m asking because I’d love to buy you one.”

“He’s already got a drink, don’t need another one,” Jayne muttered, not looking at either Simon or the newcomer. 

“I’m sorry, but I wasn’t asking you.” The man on Simon’s left sounded polite, educated and very well mannered. Not that he was comparing the two men, Simon thought, but he and Jayne couldn’t have been more polar opposites. But there was something about the stranger he didn’t really like. At least, not when compared to Jayne.

The man leaned in toward Simon just a little more. “My name’s Jack,” he said, reaching for Simon’s hand with both of his just as Simon started to move it away. “And you’d be…?”

Simon gasped as Jack’s thumb pressed down on the bruises on his wrist and that set Jayne off in a heartbeat. “He’d be the man you’re gonna be keepin’ your gorram hands off of,” he snapped as he moved around Simon and shoved his way between the two men.

Simon was feeling an odd sense of elation until Jayne threw the first punch and the next thing he knew there was an all out bar fight. Not as helpless as most people seemed to think he was when they first saw him, though, he was ready to jump right in when three men tried to gang up on Jayne. Simon was right there, hitting one over the head with a handy glass pitcher that was sitting right on the bar in front of him. He saw a fist coming toward his face and ducked, but he was a heartbeat too late. The fist slammed into the side of his head and he had to fight to stay on his feet. 

Simon hated fighting, but he couldn’t very well leave Jayne alone and ridiculously, in ways Simon would never understand, Jayne seemed to be having the time of his life. 

Well, except for the fact that he kept looking over at Simon every few seconds. At first, Simon thought he was watching only to berate him for fighting like a girl, or to tell him he was an idiot for even talking to the other guy in the first place, but the mercenary seemed genuinely worried about him and seemed intent on make sure he was all right.

Simon heard Jayne calling out his name, telling him to get out of there. Like there was any way in hell he could do that. Clearly Jayne didn’t know him well at all. 

He turned just in time to see someone with a pool stick hit Jayne over the back of his head. As Jayne fell, a huge man with long red hair grabbed his arm and twisted it around behind him. Simon watched Jayne go down, but not his arm, and he knew the second Jayne cried out in pain that his shoulder had been dislocated. 

Roaring with rage, Simon lunged forward, kicked the red head between his legs and knelt down beside the man he’d been secretly thinking of as his lover.

Before he could say or do anything, Simon heard the most welcome voice he could imagine. Zoe. “Touch either one of them again and I’ll shoot your peckers off.”

There was dead silence for a few seconds as everyone turned her way. The men around them started to back off when they realized she was serious….and had one hell of a big gun on her shoulder. Simon looked behind her to see Mal at the door with another weapon, and knew he and Jayne needed to get the hell out of this place before it was too late.

Simon quickly helped Jayne to his feet by slipping under his arm and pulling him up. Jayne, dizzy from the concussion and with one arm dangling uselessly beside him, of course still tried to struggle to get away from Simon and to continue the fight. Simon managed to drag him to the door anyway, and they hurried by Mal, who, along with Zoe, promised to stay in place until Jayne and Simon were far enough away to be safe and said they’d get the medical supplies that Simon had forgotten on the floor by the bar. 

“Did you get hurt, Doc?”

Simon wrapped his arm around a staggering Jayne’s waist and shook his head as they lumbered on in the darkness. “No, I’m fine,” he lied, though his right eye was throbbing and his ears were ringing.

Several minutes later, Mal and Zoe hurried up behind them and urged them on, keeping an eye out for anyone who might follow. Mal started to grab Jayne’s other arm and leave the lookout position to Zoe but when Jayne literally growled at him and pulled away, moving closer to Simon as he did so, Mal realized that was a bad idea. It was only then that he noticed the arm was hanging from an odd angle and probably didn’t need to be manhandled.

He switched sides and put a hand on Simon’s chest to stop them. “I’ll get him from here. He’s a mite heavy.”

Simon dragged a still-woozy Jayne around the captain. “I’ve got him. Just watch our backs.”

Mal started to protest, but Jayne didn’t look like he was complaining, so Mal let it go with another shake of his head. He would never understand those two, he decided, not if he lived to be a thousand years old. 

The four of them made it to Serenity a few minutes later without incident. Simon was feeling the strain of practically carrying Jayne the whole way but he felt like he had to be the one to do it. He had something to prove, and though he wasn’t quite sure what it was, or to whom it needed proving, he still had to try. 

As soon as they were on board the ship, Simon half dragged, half carried Jayne to Simon’s own room. It was closer than the infirmary and since he didn’t plan on leaving the man’s side until he was better, a hell of a lot more comfortable for them both.

Mal had been through this oh-my-God-my-lover-is-hurt drama before, most recently with Zoe and Wash, so with nothing more than an exasperated sigh, he headed off to find Wash to get them moving, leaving Zoe to stand guard by the door.

Just as Simon was carefully laying Jayne down on his bed, he felt the  
Firefly taking off. Jayne winced as his shoulder hit the bed and Simon felt the insane urge to just lean over and try to kiss it all better.

He might, he decided, do just that when this was all over with.

As any good doctor does, Simon had a first aid kit in his room, so he didn’t have to leave to find anything to treat his frequent-flyer patient this time. 

Jayne had a cut on his forehead a few centimeters long, a knot on the back of his head from the pool stick, the dislocated shoulder and about a dozen deep tissue bruises Simon could do little about. He didn’t think anything was broken though and said as much as he started to work. He wasn’t sure if Jayne was listening or not, but he knew the sound of a calm, rational voice was sometimes the only thing that kept some patients grounded when they were in pain. Jayne didn’t say anything, just stared up at the ceiling, teeth grinding together, obviously doing everything he could to pretend he wasn’t hurting.

The cut on Jayne’s forehead was bleeding but it wasn’t deep, so Simon decided to simply put a pressure dressing on it until he could take care of that shoulder, which he knew had to be hurting like a son of a bitch. He’d put Jayne’s shoulder back in place twice already since he’d been on Serenity and he knew it never went back as easily as most. Last time, despite Jayne’s complaining, he’d had to inject a muscle relaxer to be able to move the shoulder at all, so he decided to do the same this time. 

He knew he couldn’t put Jayne to sleep. The one time he’d tried, Jayne had gone into shock. His body chemistry had reacted badly to the anesthetics and had Simon not read an article only a few weeks before about this rare reaction, Serenity would have been down one big, tough mercenary. He’d brought him back just in time with an odd combination of drugs he never would have thought to use had it not been for that article.

After a quick shot of a muscle relaxer, Jayne relaxed a bit despite himself, and was looking up at Simon with big eyes. He looked softer somehow. Vulnerable, Simon thought, though he knew Jayne would kill him if he ever said as much. 

Simon held Jayne’s good hand as he waited for the drugs to take effect. He watched Jayne fade in and out of sleep, though it was plain to see he was trying to fight it. He wasn’t even saying anything about the handholding, which both concerned the doctor a little and made him smile.

When the drugs had time to work, Simon started to withdraw his hand, only to realize Jayne was clinging to it like a lifeline, fingers white from pressure as he fought the pain. 

He gently disentangled his hand and leaned over Jayne to place a kiss on his forehead. Jayne didn’t protest, only closed his eyes and sighed, which made Simon wonder if on some level, Jayne didn’t secretly like it.

Knowing Jayne would bitch about it later, Simon nevertheless began cutting Jayne’s shirt off. His patient simply lay there quietly and didn’t protest, saying simply, “Do what you gotta do, Doc, I know you ain’t meanin’ no harm.”

“Exactly what was that all about in the tavern?” Simon asked as he took Jayne’s other hand. Jayne, who’d been through this before, braced himself against the bed and took a deep breath.

“Weren’t about nothing,” he ground out between gritted teeth. “Knew we needed to get back here and I didn’t want to waste time having to find you iffen you took a notion to run off with that dandy and have some fun. He looked like your type.”

“Oh, I have a type, do I?” Simon wasn’t sure whether to be angry or amused and ended up just looking at Jayne in exasperation. “Ok, you’ve got me there. I do have a type. My type apparently happens to be big, strong men who don’t like to talk much, who like decades-old t-shirts that only get washed about once a month and name their guns. That’s my type.”

Before Jayne could answer, Simon jerked his arm back in place. Jayne grunted, but managed not to make any more noise than that, then watched as Simon turned to get some more bandages for his forehead.

When Simon moved closer so he could reach the wound, he saw Jayne looking suspiciously at him. “Ain’t no call to make fun,“ Jayne said quietly. “I wasn’t trying to stop you from getting it on with that guy, I was just wantin’ to make sure we got back home in time. You know how Mal hates it when…”

Simon didn’t know of any other way to make Jayne shut the hell up, so he laid one hand on the side of his face and leaned in to kiss him. 

Maybe Jayne was still a little foggy from the drugs or the blow to the head, but he made absolutely no move to stop Simon. The kiss just felt way too nice to stop any time soon, and for once, he didn’t take over and turn it into something hard and bruising, like he normally did. Without his even realizing it, his good arm lifted up off the bed to wrap around Simon’s shoulders and he pulled him in even closer, deepening the kiss. 

Simon was in heaven. Jayne had never kissed him like that before, and while their usual kisses - if they could be called that - made his knees weak and his cock hard, this did something else, something he couldn’t explain, to his insides, especially right there in the center of his chest.

After a moment, Simon shifted on the bed, causing Jayne to pull away as if he wanted to be the one to do it before Simon could. It took him a moment to realize Simon was only moving to lay flush on top of him, which surprised Jayne a little. He didn’t say anything though, and a moment later, Simon’s soft, full lips were sealing over his own again and everything was good - no, better than good, because it felt kind of nice, this weight over him, pressing him against the bed, giving him something to hold on to.

Simon let his tongue explore every inch of Jayne’s mouth, and was more than a little surprised Jayne was letting him. Jayne was kissing him back, still holding him with one good arm, but he was being soft and sweet at the moment, and was driving Simon a little crazy in all the right ways.

When he needed air, Simon pulled away just a little, but let his lips run over Jayne’s jawline, brushed them over the goatee on his chin, then made tiny little red marks on his neck. Surprisingly, Jayne merely moaned softly rather than pushing him away and allowed Simon to continue his gentle ministrations. 

Simon’s hips were rocking slowly and he was hard and aching, cock already leaking against his underwear. He wondered if he was taking advantage of Jayne when Jayne had too much medicine on board. Jayne answered that easily enough when he looked up at Simon with a frown (and perfectly clear blue eyes), like he was confused or about ready to get angry. 

“You gonna suck me off or what?”

Caught off guard, Simon barked out a soft little laugh and shook his head. “No, I’m not. Not yet, anyway,” he answered, but he rolled to the side of the bed and sat up, tugging his shirt and vest over his head in one fell swoop. He toed off his shoes and by the time they hit the floor, he was untying Jayne’s. Half a minute later they were both completely naked and Simon took his place lying flush over Jayne again.

“Now where were we?”

Jayne was awake now, but had no idea where this was going. “You ain’t gonna use your mouth?” He looked none too pleased, but not quite ready to force the issue. He also looked a little worried, but Simon took that as a sign that the medication was wearing off and Jayne really was in his right mind.

Simon leaned to the side a bit and let one hand run from Jayne’s hip up to his ribs, then back again, slowly, carefully, seeing and feeling scars he’d seen before, some he’d never noticed and a few he knew about all too well. Jayne had a hard life, that much was clear and while he could guess how most of the scars got there, there were some he didn’t want to think about, couldn’t bear to imagine.

“I ain’t gonna fuck you, Simon,” Jayne said firmly. “Done told you that weeks ago. You ain’t built for being fucked by the likes of me.”

“Shhh…..” Simon kissed Jayne’s cheek and continued just touching him, this time letting his fingers explore the big man’s chest and stomach, at least what parts of them he wasn’t laying on. Despite Jayne’s words, he was slowly relaxing into the bed and Simon could feel the tension draining away from him even as his cock started getting harder beneath Simon’s thigh.

“Jayne, I don’t plan on forcing you to fuck me,” Simon said reasonably. “But one day…”

“Gorram right you ain’t,” Jayne interjected for good measure.

“But one day, I hope you’ll want to.”

“Didn’t say I didn’t want to, said you couldn’t take it,” Jayne growled, getting riled up again as Simon started sounding all reasonable. He added a stubborn, “Mal would kill me for breakin’ you,” just to be sure Simon understood.

That was an odd, but welcome admission in some ways, Simon decided. He was glad Jayne admitted to wanting him (sort of), but wasn’t at all happy that the other man saw him as so…fragile. Still, he reached up and combed his fingers through the short hair on the side of Jayne’s head and was surprised and somewhat amused to see Jayne close his eyes and just kind of sink into the pillow.

“Like that, do you?” he asked softly.

Jayne opened his eyes and looked awful suspicious again, but the finger-combing was still having a wonderful, novel effect on him and he merely nodded his head and let his eyes close again.

Simon went back to kissing Jayne again and before long, Jayne’s good arm was around him again, nearly crushing him against that broad, solid chest. 

“Jayne, _d'un yi shia_ (wait)…I can’t breathe when you do that…don’t hold me so tigh….”

“Told you I’d break you,” Jayne said, instantly jerking his arm away and putting it back by his side.

“No.” Simon was having none of that. “Stop it. I like it when you put your arms - or in this case, since you’re hurt, arm around me.” He picked up Jayne’s arm and placed it on his back again. “Just easy. Like this…” Simon’s arm slipped under Jayne’s neck and, drew him closer, keeping his touch coaxing, not demanding. His fingers rubbed the back of that thick, muscular neck as he leaned down for another kiss and slowly, tentatively, he could feel Jayne’s large hand spreading over his lower back. Long, thick fingers began to move uncertainly up and down his spine and Simon shivered in pleasure, causing Jayne’s hand to freeze. “No, Jayne, that’s good,” Simon murmured, rocking his hips so the man beneath him could feel how aroused he was. “That’s really good. Don’t stop.”

There was another slight hesitation, but Jayne’s hand moved up Simon’s back, then down, over his backside. A muffled moan filled the room as Simon felt his ass cheek being fondled and kneaded, his entire body being dragged closer. He could feel his own juices leaking onto Jayne’s belly and the answering smear of fluid on his own overheated skin as Jayne started to rock his hips as well.

Simon kept kissing Jayne, kept moving his hips, the two of them finding a rhythm to their movements that suited each other perfectly, slow deliberate strokes mingled with gentle caresses and breathless little moans. Jayne almost seemed surprised when he made a noise that sounded suspiciously like the ones Simon was making and obviously tried to keep quiet after that, but Simon was having none of that either and did his best to keep track of what the other man seemed to like the most. 

After only a few minutes of this slow, sensuous dance, Simon was panting against Jayne’s lips, both their lower bodies moving fast and hard against each other, cock against cock creating a wonderful, warm friction, hands everywhere, pulling, touching, grabbing until Simon couldn’t stand it anymore. He arched his back, murmured Jayne’s name and flooded Jayne’s groin with his release. That sensation alone was apparently all Jayne needed, as he came moments later, biting his bottom lip, back arching up off the bed, body straining to get closer to Simon’s, all thoughts of dislocated shoulders and muscle relaxers and anyone being broken long gone. 

As soon as he finished, Jayne immediately released his hold on Simon, expecting him to get up and tell Jayne to go back to his room. Simon, however, just laid there on top of him, like he had no plans to go anywhere for a very long time. 

The man is _fong luh_ (loopy in the head), Jayne determined, then wondered if maybe they weren’t finished after all. He waited, but Simon just curled up against him, one hand on his neck, sort of petting him and not seeming to be in any hurry to get Jayne to leave.

Trouble was, it felt nice and though Jayne knew he was dirtying up Simon’s nice, expensive sheets and even Simon himself with all the come between them, he decided he really, really didn’t want to move until he had to.

So Jayne laid there, eyes closed, feeling relaxed and all peaceful-like as he waited for Simon to tell him to go.

Only Simon had no intention of saying anything of the sort. 

Within minutes, Jayne was asleep. Only then did Simon slide off him, rest his head on Jayne’s uninjured shoulder and drift off to sleep himself.

 

~*~

Chapter 3 This Is Not Something Beautiful

~*~

Jayne slept better that night than he had in years. That didn’t stop him, however, from slowly sliding out from underneath Simon without waking him and getting dressed the next morning. He sat on the side of the bed for a moment, listening carefully for any change in Simon’s breathing to make sure he was still asleep, then reached over and brushed a stray strand of soft, dark hair back from his forehead. It was only then that he noticed the cut above Simon’s eye. Simon had spent all that time taking care of him the night before and Jayne hadn’t even thought to return the favor. There wasn’t much he could do then though, at least not without waking Simon. He really was a selfish bastard he thought to himself, wishing he would have at least thought to put something cool on Simon’s eye before they went to sleep. 

Jayne quickly and quietly made his way back to his own room, determined that he had to end this....this _thing_ with the doctor once and for all. 

~*~

Simon wasn’t at all surprised to find that Jayne had already left when he woke, though he was disappointed. He got up, dressed and went into the mess, where everyone else was just sitting down for breakfast including Jayne, who was studiously ignoring him. 

River took his hand as soon as he sat down and turned it over. “You spent the night with Jayne but no new bruises,” she said, tilting her head to one side and touching her brother’s face as he blushed. “At least not from him. The old ones have faded too. Does he not love you any more, Simon?”

Simon stared in horror at his sister who simply looked back at him with wide, achingly innocent eyes. Everyone else at the table froze until Jayne slammed his fist on the table and stood up. “Ain’t nobody lovin’ nobody else on here ‘cept those two,” he ground out, pointing to Zoe and Wash.

River turned to him and shook her head. “That’s not true. I hear things. Hear you with him. Hear him with you. Hear you say his name when you’re alone. Hear him say yours too.”

Simon wished with all his heart that the floor would just open up and swallow him at that moment. Jayne glared at River and threw his plate, still with plenty of food on it, on the counter behind him. “Damn crazy bitch, always lurkin’ around, evesdroppin’...”

“Now wait just a minute.” Simon stood up and eyed Jayne across the room. “This has nothing to do with her, Jayne, and I won’t have you yelling....”

“You gonna stop me, little man?” Jayne said, furious both with himself and Simon when Simon walked right up to him and stood toe to toe.

“If that’s what it’s going to come to.”

“Now boys, just hold on,” Mal said, coming to stand between the two and physically pushing them apart. “You both need to do some coolin’ off. Why don’t...”

“Simon thinks you’re beautiful,” River continued, eyes fixed on Jayne. She’d stood too, watching her brother, who was always trying to protect her when really, he was the one who needed protection. “Beautiful on the inside and out. And he’s happy when he’s with you.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass…” Jayne threw his arms up in the air and had to grit his teeth when the sore one flared in protest. He rounded on Simon and pushed one finger hard against his chest. “I ain’t beautiful and you damn well know it, Simon Tam. I won’t have you goin’ round actin’ like we’re somethin’ when we ain’t. Like I said last night, you need to get you some pretty feller who knows how to treat you good and take your crazy sister with you and leave me the hell alone!”

With that, Jayne stormed out of the room, leaving a wake of silence behind him. Simon stared after him, mumbled some excuse and then went back to his room, his own plate left on the table where River was calmly starting to pick at his food.

Jayne spent the day cleaning his guns and Simon worked at rearranging the infirmary as he tried to figure out what to do. He loved Jayne. Wished to hell that he didn’t, but there was nothing for it. He saw something in the man that no one else seemed to see. It was buried deeply, so deeply that a part of Simon sometimes wondered if whatever he’d caught glimpses of wasn’t just too far down to be reached. But Simon wasn’t one to give up and that night, he was waiting in Jayne’s room after dinner, which had kindly been delivered to him by Kaylee after he failed to show up at the table.

Jayne was talking to himself when he walked in and didn’t see Simon for nearly half a minute, which was highly unusual for him. “Gorram fool has to eat,” he groused under his breath. “Sittin’ in his room starvin’ hisself ain’t gonna help nobody an’....Ruttin’ hell!” He finally saw his guest, who sat curled up in the corner of his bed, dirty sheets and all. “I oughtta kill you for sneakin’ inta my room like that! Can’t a man get no privacy around this place?”

Simon calmly unfolded himself and stood. “Do you say my name when you pleasure yourself?” he asked.

“What? _Wángbādàn!_ (Son of a bitch!) No, I…” Jayne’s mouth snapped shut and he glared at Simon. “Ain’t none of your business what I do or say when I jerk off. Now get outta here.”

“Because what she said about my saying your name was true. And about me being happy when you’re around and my thinking you’re beautiful...those are all true too, so it stands to reason her one statement about you would be true as well.”

“I ain’t beautiful,” Jayne muttered, making a motion to grab one of his guns off the wall just so he could have something familiar to hold on to. “You’re the beautiful one. All pretty and ironed up and always clean and such.”

Simon shook his head, not about to be led off track, but he treasured each and every word. “Do you say my name? Do you think of me when you, as you put it, ‘jerk off?’”

Jayne Cobb was many things, but he wasn’t a liar. He glared at Simon and shrugged. “I might have said something like that once or twice, but it don’t mean nothin’. Man says allota things when he’s holdin’ onto his dick.”

Simon moved closer, almost amused to see Jayne taking a step back. “Jayne, if it would make you feel better, I’d stop washing my clothes and smear gun oil on my sheets every day. I’d throw all my vests and shirts away and be quite happy in boots and a t-shirt. This...” He gestured to his clothes and hair, both immaculate as always. “This is just how I was raised. It doesn’t mean that’s what I want or look for or even need to be.”

Jayne backed up another step, knowing that if Simon touched him, things wouldn’t go well. He was feeling trapped and desperate and more than anything in the world, he hated those feelings.

“Leave me alone, Doc,” he said, his voice low and hard, not sounding like his usual admittedly rough self in the least. “Get out of my room now. I ain’t gonna talk to you about this.”

Simon shook his head. “Jayne, I’m in love with you, whether you like it or not, and you can embarrass me in front of our friends and family all you like, but that’s not going to change.”

Jayne’s eyes were wide as Simon took another step toward him and the words seemed to echo in the room. Without thinking, he put one hand out just as Simon closed the last few inches between them, and his hands, large and far too rough, hit Simon square in the chest, knocking him back. He landed on the bed with a hard thump as his head hit the wall.

It happened so quickly, both men simply stared at each other in stunned silence for a few seconds. Simon reached up to touch the back of his head and his fingers came away covered in bright red blood and then Jayne was on him, gathering him up in his arms and heading to the infirmary. 

By the time they got there, Jayne was shaking, unable to even hit the com button to call for help after he laid Simon down on the exam table. The white sheet underneath his head quickly turned red as Jayne tore through the room, looking for a towel, some gauze, anything that could help.

Mal happened by just then, and took everything in at once. “Get your gorram hands off him,” he snapped as he opened a cabinet door and grabbed a clean white towel. Jayne didn’t even protest when Mal stepped between him and Simon and pushed him away. 

“Get out. Get off. We’ll be stopping at the next planet and saying goodbye,” Mal said, holding the cloth to a dazed Simon’s head. “I told you I don’t stand for violence between my crew. A fist to the jaw or a knee to the nose is one thing but when you go hittin’ on those that can’t defend themselves.”

“I can defend myself perfectly well,” Simon snapped, grabbing the towel from Mal and sliding off the table. “Just because I wear clean clothes and use an iron now and then doesn’t mean I’m helpless!”

“Mal’s right,” Jayne said. “I hurt you already and I wasn’t even tryin’! If we did ever do somethin’, I’d break you for sure and –“

“Yes, I know,” Simon said, feeling sick to his stomach. “Mal would kill you if you broke me.”

“ – I couldn’t live with myself,” Jayne finished just as Simon spoke.

Simon was just getting ready to tell Mal a thing or two about how well he could take care of himself when Jayne’s words registered. He turned slowly around to see a miserable-looking Jayne standing in the middle of the room.

“What did you say?” Simon said at the exact same time Mal said the same words.

“I can’t do this,” Jayne said as he turned and hurried out of the room.

Mal turned to Simon and grabbed his arm. “You ain’t goin’ after him until you quit bleedin’ all over my ship and you and I have ourselves a little talk.”

Simon started to pull away, but when a wave of dizziness washed over him, he let Mal lead him back to the table.

“What happened, Simon? If you can take care of yourself, then why do you have new bruises every damn time I look at you and why are you now bleedin’ all over the place?”

Simon sighed and closed his eyes. “It was my fault. I was pushing him and he was just trying to get me to leave and …He didn’t mean to hurt me, Mal. You could see that by the look on his face, couldn’t you?”

Mal had to admit Jayne had looked sick about the whole thing. He opened the cabinet marked “suture kits” and pull one out. “I can’t let this keep goin’ on, Doc. He’s liable to kill you if you ain’t careful.”

Simon shook his head. “He’s not going to kill me. I promise. He just...I don’t think he knows how to make...how to do things without leaving bruises or hurting people. I don’t think he even knows he’s doing it.”

Mal set about stitching Simon up as they talked. “Well, what do you aim to do about it? Teach him? He seems a mite too old to be learnin’ somethin’ new.”

“Just...don’t throw him off, please?” Simon turned to look at Mal with pleading eyes. “This ship, this crew, this is his family, his home. If we don’t work something out in the next few days, River and I will leave. Fair enough?”

“But he’s one doin’ the damage,” Mal argued. “You’re the one gettin’ hurt.”

“I think that’s only because he’s been hurt a few times himself.”

Mal sighed and turned Simon back around so he could continue with his rudimentary stitching skills. “You’ve got three days. If I see another bruise on you, or another drop of blood, I’m gonna throw you both off. Neither of you is gonna do me any good if I throw the other off, I guess, and I ain’t got time to tiptoe around broken hearts.”

“Fair enough,” Simon said quietly as he waited for Mal to finish.

~*~

Simon was on his way to tell Jayne about the change in plans when he heard Wash’s voice come across the intercom. “We’ve got a ship on our six,” he announced. “Alliance.”

The entire ship seemed to grow silent for a moment. Even the engines quieted down as if Serenity herself understood what was about to happen. 

“Docking in 2 minutes,” Wash announced, his voice just on the verge of panic.

They had plans for this, places to go, things to do. As they’d done once before, Simon and River were to grab their space suits and wait outside, but with so little warning, there simply wasn’t time. The Alliance ship must have been hiding behind an asteroid or something, everyone thought, or must have been invisible to their sensors until the last possible minute.

Zoe, who was with River when Wash made the announcement, dragged the terrified young girl to one of the ventilator shafts. “I’ll hide River,” she said over the nearest communications box. River was the only one who could fit inside the ventilator shafts and even then it would be tight. Zoe quickly unscrewed the cover, gave River a hand up and watched as she crawled forward and around a bend. She was screwing the cover back on when she felt the Alliance ship dock with Serenity. 

Simon had been about to rush and find River, when he heard Zoe’s announcement. There was no place for him to hide and no time for him to get his space suit. He took a deep breath and hurried toward Jayne’s room to tell him goodbye.

He ran straight into a broad chest only seconds later and then, before he knew what was happening, Jayne’s arms were around him and he was being kissed. It was a surprisingly soft kiss, full of...something Simon didn’t dare dwell on; not now, not when it was too late.

“I’m sorry, Jayne,” he whispered when they pulled away. He reached up, letting his fingertips run lightly over Jayne’s jawline. “I didn’t mean to cause you trouble, and Mal isn’t going to throw you off, especially now. With me gone, it won’t...”

“You ain’t going nowhere,” Jayne said firmly. “Now get in my bunk and slide under the bed. I won’t let them come in.”

Simon was surprised at the offer, but shook his head. “They’ll kill you to get to me and not think twice about it. I won’t let them do that to you, to anyone on this ship, but especially not you.”

He tried to pull away but Jayne was holding him in an iron grip. “Get in my bunk now, Doc. I won’t let them get you, I swear.”

Simon searched Jayne’s face for a moment, a sad smile touching his lips. “You don’t have a choice, Jayne. You told me last time, while River and I were outside of the ship hiding from them, the Alliance tore this place apart room by room. You can’t stop them.”

“I can and I will,” Jayne insisted. Simon looked up at the other man helplessly, his chest aching at the thought of never seeing him again. Then, without warning, Simon pulled away, sank down beneath Jayne’s arms and ran.

~*~

The day ended badly for everyone. The Alliance officers searched the ship thoroughly, but never found River. Simon gave himself up, and, to his surprise, Jayne tried to fight Simon’s captors, earning himself a split lip, a cracked rib, a broken hand and likely another concussion to add to his already impressive injury list. Guns were held on everyone else, and orders were given for them all to be taken in until Book showed them an ID card and pulled the Alliance captain aside for a few words. When they finished, they were all told none of them would be taken in except Simon, of course, and they should leave at once. 

During this time, Simon kept his eyes on Jayne, who looked both furious and afraid, though Simon couldn’t think what he might be afraid of. It never occurred to him that Jayne might be worried about what Simon himself would be facing. It took both Mal and Zoe to hold Jayne back as one of the officers hit Simon on the side of his head when he tried to get to Jayne to check on his new injuries. The officers then dragged him away; reciting a long list of charges that even Book’s influence couldn’t get him out of.

When the officers left, the ship was silent again for nearly a full minute.

“I’ll go get River,” Zoe said quietly. “Kaylee, why don’t you come with me?”

Kaylee wiped away her tears and nodded.

As soon as they were gone, Jayne turned to Mal. “So how are we gonna get him out?”

Mal looked down for a moment, shaking his head. “Jayne, we ain’t got the manpower or the money to get Simon out of this. We need to concentrate on getting the charges dropped so they’ll let him go. Maybe follow up on this ‘Miranda’ thing River’s been goin’ on about, see if there’s anything to that. That’s the best we can do.”

Jayne’s face turned dark and his eyes flashed with anger. “You’re gonna just leave him there? Do you know what they’ll do to him? They’ll hurt him, like they did his sister, cut into his brain to find out where she is! And they’ll torture him, Mal. We can’t leave him, not now, not when…”

He shook his breath and met Mal’s eyes. “If I thought he’d forgive me, I’d turn River in but he’d just stay with her. We’ve got to get him out. They’ll do all kinds of things to him, things he ain’t prepared to deal with, things he won’t understand.”

Mal looked at Wash, who seemed torn between the idea of leaving and Jayne’s desperate plea to save him. 

“We’re going to find this Miranda,” Mal said firmly. “I’ll hear no argument about it.”

“Then let me off this gorram ship,” Jayne growled. “Let me off now. I’ll take the spare shuttle, get him out myself while you go do this Miranda thing and we can meet up later.”

Mal could see there was no point in arguing with Jayne, though it did surprise him. He knew Simon had been head over heels with Jayne but never in a million years thought those feelings might be returned.

“Fine. Get what you need and take the shuttle. But if you get yourself killed, you won’t be doing anybody any favors, just remember that.”

“I ain’t gonna get killed,” Jayne said over his shoulder as he hurried to his room.

He was stopped by Book, who whispered something in his ear and gave him a small card. Jayne listened closely, tucked the card away in his pocket and was on his way a half an hour later.

~*~

It took Jayne nearly two months to find Simon. He worked tirelessly, barely taking any time to sleep, questioning everyone he could find. He did quick, often cruel, jobs for those that would pay him so he could bribe anyone and everyone who might help him find Simon. Had anyone asked him why he was trying so hard, he wouldn’t have been able to explain. All he knew was that on the nights when he managed to get a few hours sleep in the back of his shuttle, he could think of nothing but the way Simon always touched him so gently, or the way those pretty blue eyes would look up at him with what he thought, judging from what Simon had told him, might really be love. He also remembered how he’d pushed Simon away though, had never even considered there could be something between them, had been too stupid and stubborn to think he might be able to change and make things good for the doctor. 

Their last kiss, desperate and needy, still weighed on him, along with the way Simon wouldn’t even take the chance of hiding in Jayne’s bunk for fear of getting him hurt, and the way Simon had fought not for himself, but for Jayne when the officers who held him had hit Jayne, breaking his ribs with the butt of his gun. All Simon had cared about was getting over to him to help, and he’d gotten a crack to the skill for his efforts. And the look in his eyes when Jayne was hurt was far worse than the look Simon wore when he was hit on the side of his head himself.

“Gonna find you, _bao bei_ ”, Jayne said softly every night before he laid down, his head resting on the pillow he’d gotten from Simon’s room along with a few other things before he left Serenity and the rest of the crew had flown away to try and clear Simon and River’s name.

~*~

Chapter 4 Reunion

~*~

With enough time and money, a man could find anyone. That’s exactly what it took, a lot of both, but Jayne finally managed to locate Simon. He had to use Book’s card in addition to paying off more than one Alliance officer to be allowed to visit him, and then, he was granted only ten minutes in a room with an officer watching their every move.

He was alone with the guard in a small utilitarian room with nothing but two chairs as he waited anxiously for Simon to be delivered. He had so much he wanted to say, to apologize for and to promise, but once the door opened and Simon was shoved in, he found he couldn’t speak.

The doctor looked terrible. There were dark shadows under his eyes, eyes which looked dead, and he was paler than ever. The short sleeves on his white shirt made the bruises and welts on his arms stand out horribly and his usual neat hair was a stringy, dirty mess. A stark white bandage was wrapped around his head, making him look even paler, and when Jayne looked a bit closer, he could see tiny dots of blood slowly seeping through the gauze.

When Simon merely stood where he’d managed to find his balance, not even looking at Jayne, Jayne stood and closed the short distance between them. Without a second thought, he carefully wrapped his arms around the other man, and kissed his temple. He pulled back a little, then touched Simon’s cheek. He was surprised to see his own hand shaking.

“Doc, what happened to you? What have they done?”

Simon was staring at something over Jayne’s shoulder, not blinking, no recognition or relief or any emotion whatsoever on his face. There was a thin scar across the bottom of his lower lip and Jayne ran his index finger lightly over it. Teeth marks, where Simon had obviously bitten through his lip. The muscles in Jayne’s arms twitched but he managed to control his temper.

His hand rested on Simon’s lower back and he led him to one of the two chairs bolted to the floor in the center of the room. He urged Simon to sit down, then immediately regretted it when he saw the doctor wince. Otherwise, Simon neither looked at him, nor spoke; he simply kept staring straight ahead.

Knowing he only had a few minutes left, Jayne did the only thing he could think of. He leaned close, took Simon’s face between both hands and kissed him very, very carefully. The guard had the grace to look away; Jayne had, after all been searched thoroughly and there was nothing he could do to help their prisoner escape.

The only response he got at first was a slight flinch, but he persisted, keeping the pressure on Simon’s lips soft and careful; an exercise in the will of a man who had never had any reason to be either soft or careful before in his life.

For long, heartbreaking moments, there was no response, then he felt the slightest pressure on his own lips. When Simon opened his mouth just a little, Jayne swiped his tongue inside and let his hands rest on slender hips.

Simon’s own hands, which had been resting limply in his lap, slowly came to life. One came up to rest on the back of Jayne’s neck and the other on his shoulder. They kissed for nearly a full minute, then Jayne pulled away. He searched Simon’s face and was relieved beyond words this time to see blue eyes focused on him.

“Hi there, Doc. I was wondering if you were going to remember me or not. Didn’t think I was that easy to forget.”

Simon kept his hand on Jayne’s neck and gave a half-hearted smile. “No, I haven’t forgotten you, Jayne,” he said hoarsely, then licked his lips. “Or the way you taste.” His thumb moved just a little, caressing just below the other man’s ear. “Why are you here? They....they might arrest you, they could...” 

Simon was getting more agitated with every word and starting to shake. Jayne had seen this before, all too often; sometimes he’d even been the cause of it. Obviously, Simon had been tortured, likely for information on where River was and how they could find her. And if there was one thing Jayne was sure of, it was that Simon would never give up that information, no matter what they did to him.

Jayne pulled Simon into his lap and leaned back in his chair. Simon’s head fit perfectly against Jayne’s shoulder and Jayne could feel warm breath against his neck. “Shh, they ain’t after us no more,” he said softly, wrapping both arms around the other man. “The Shepherd saw to that. I don’t know how, but he fixed it and everyone else - _everyone_ \- is fine.” He didn’t think the guard could hear him but he didn’t want to take any chances by mentioning River’s name. Tilting his face just a little, he let his lips press against Simon’s ear. “Mal and the others went to straighten all this out. They’ll fix it, Doc, you’ll see, and you’ll be out of this place.”

Simon seemed to melt against Jayne, wrapping both arms around his neck and clinging to him for a few precious moments. “Why aren’t you with them?” he asked just as the guard cleared his throat and announced that their time was up.

“I wasn’t going to leave you here all alone,” Jayne whispered. He wanted to explain more but the guard looking at his watch.

“I missed you, Jayne.” The words were whispered against his ear, the first and only time that particular sentiment ever been directed at him.

After a moment’s hesitation born of pure surprise, Jayne kissed Simon’s neck and closed his eyes. “Missed you too, Doc.”

“This is your warning, Tam,” the guard said loudly, then, covering his mouth with his hand and pretending to cough, in a lower voice added. “You know the captain’s watching. Come on.”

Simon swallowed, then touched Jayne’s face again. “Don’t worry about me, Jayne. Just go on. You’re right....things would never work between...” He stopped suddenly and clenched his teeth. His face drained of what little color it had and his hands balled up into fists. 

It took Jayne a moment to see the guard holding a small black box and pressing a button. “What the....?” 

He jumped up but Simon managed to get between him and the guard. His teeth were no longer clenched but his hands and arms were drawn up against his body in an odd way. “Don’t, Jayne,” he whispered. “If you do, it’ll just be worse next time. Besides, he has no choice. We’re being watched and if he doesn’t, things go badly for us both.”

“It’s just at setting one,” the guard said under his breath, causing Simon to nod.

“I know.”

Jayne, still pissed that it had happened at all, glared at the guard as he grabbed Simon’s upper arm and dragged him away.

“I’ll be back,” he said just as his lover was pushed out the door. He thought he heard a, “please, Jayne, don’t,” as the door closed, but couldn’t be sure. It’s not like it would have mattered anyway, though, because he would be back, come hell or high water.

~*~

Chapter 5 Second Chances

~*~

It was almost four months, thousands of hard-earned credits (of which he would never, ever tell Simon how he earned), and an exercise in holding his tongue before Jayne was granted a second visit.

This time, when Simon was led into the room, the very sight of him made Jayne’s chest ache. He wouldn’t have recognized the normally neat and clean doctor. He had bruises and welts everywhere Jayne could see, and strange little knots on his hands and arms. 

And worse than that, this time, Simon didn’t seem to recognize him at all. Even a few kisses didn’t draw him out of whatever place he’d gone to to escape what was being done to him. After a few minutes, Jayne had simply sat down, pulled an unresisting Simon into his lap and held him until the guard announced that their time was up. 

His only words, “I missed you, Doc,” were met with silence though he thought he felt long, dark eyelashes brush over his skin as Simon’s eyes closed then opened again. 

Jayne pulled back looked into those eyes for just a few seconds, and thought he saw a flicker of recognition, but then it was gone and the guard was pulling Simon away. Remembering that Simon said it would be worse on him if Jayne caused trouble, the mercenary simply clenched this teeth and held his tongue even when Simon stumbled and groaned as the guard jerked him to his feet.

~*~

Jayne did the only thing he knew to do. He worked hard, trying to find someone or some way to break Simon out of prison. He did things he knew Simon would hate him for - broke a few legs, shot a few folks, tracked down a few people who owed money and turned them over to the people they owed; even killed a man who’d kidnapped and murdered a very rich and powerful man’s daughter. Jayne himself, though, had no regrets. He did what he had to do. His only goal was to free Simon. No one could be bribed to betray the Alliance without an obscene amount of credits though, and no matter what Jayne did, he couldn’t seem to make enough. He had enough to buy his own ship and simply leave but that thought never occurred to him. 

Nearly a month after his second visit, he finished up a job and was headed back to his shuttle. He ate little these days, and always the cheapest food he could find, unwilling to part with any cash or credits he might need to help Simon. The street was full of people, unusual for so late at night, though, and when he stopped to ask someone what was going on, an old man explained that there was a broadcast going out to everyone about a planet called Miranda and the terrible, awful things that had happened there.

Jayne ran back to his cabin and tried for hours to raise Mal on the radio. It was late the next morning when he finally got a response. Mal had asked several acquaintances to relay the message that he could go get Simon, that Simon was no longer a wanted man. They didn’t want River either, and someone in authority had even ordered his men to stand down at the last second when they had her in their sights. Both Tams were free to go and all the rewards that had been offered were now being retracted. 

Jayne didn’t know what had happened on Miranda, and didn’t wait to find out. He ran to the Alliance prison and was met at the door by the same young guard that supervised his visits with Simon on the two occasions he’d been able to buy his way in.

The guard simply stood there, one hand on Simon’s arm, seemingly the only thing holding Simon up. “Knew you’d be here as soon as you heard,” he said as he unlocked the gate that separated them. “I’m sorry, but....you’ll probably want to put Mr. Tam in some sort of a...facility or something. He’s not the same man as he was when he came here, and from my experience, he won’t ever be again, not after what they’ve done to him.”

As soon as the gate was unlocked, Jayne reached for Simon, who could barely stand up. He wrapped both arms around him and held him tightly. “What did they do?” he asked in a low voice over Simon’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know most of it, but....those little knots on his arms and legs, you’ll want to get them out,” he guard said. He looked nearly sick at his own words, clearly uncomfortable with his part in Simon’s torture. He closed the gate between himself and Jayne before he continued. “They....they hurt him, cause him a lot of pain when the commander sets them off.”

The guard looked ashamed, and refused to meet Jayne’s eyes. “Just so you know, I only ever did what they made me do. If I hadn’t they would have used someone else, and it would have been even worse for him. I always used the lowest setting and hurt him the least I could get away with.”

Jayne was shaking with anger and if he hadn’t had Simon in his arms just then, he would have simply shot the guard where he stood. He’d hurt Simon, had known what was happening to him, and hadn’t done a gorram thing to stop it. That meant he should be dead as far as Jayne was concerned.

“I don’t know the rest,” the guard said quietly, “but that was just the way they questioned him. His punishment for not talking was a whole other department.”

Jayne clenched his jaw and picked Simon up bridal-style in his arms. As he turned to head back to his shuttle, the guard added one more thing. “He talked about you a lot. To me, I mean, at first. Not to anyone else. First, about how much he missed you and how you were so worried about breaking him. Said you were the best man he’d ever known and he wished the two of you had had a chance.”

“We do,” Jayne muttered over his shoulder as he began walking. “We do have a chance and I ain’t gonna let it pass us by this time.”

~*~  
Jayne carefully put Simon down on the bed he’d been sleeping in for weeks. He wished he’d changed the sheets, but Simon didn’t seem to even notice. Instead, he simply bit his bottom lip, obviously in pain, but kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling, not even blinking when Jayne kissed his forehead, much like Simon had kissed him months before when his shoulder had been dislocated.

Jayne sat by the bed and took Simon’s hand. “Come on, Doc,” he said, doing his best to smile. “You’re free now. I’m gonna take good care of you and we’ll be back on Serenity in just a few days. You’re not a wanted man anymore. You know that, don’t you? And River? She’s free too. Free and clear, the both of you.”

Simon didn’t even blink. Jayne kept talking though, hoping his voice would get through. When there was still no response, he leaned a little closer, still holding Simon’s hand with one hand and combing the fingers of his free hand through dark hair. His fingers froze when they felt the tiny scars here and there - scars just like the ones he’d seen on River. 

He had visions of Simon being like River - lost, confused, sometimes violent, sometimes afraid. The idea made him want to turn around, march back to the Alliance facility he’d just came from and kill every last gorram man and woman in the place.

Instead, he carefully slid one arm beneath Simon’s head and lay down beside him. “I’ll take care of you, Doc,” he said softly. “For however long it takes. Thing is, I don’t really know what to do, so if you’d wake up and tell me how to fix all this, I’d be awful thankful.”

He hadn’t expected a response, so he wasn’t surprised when there was wasn’t one. 

After nearly an hour, Simon was still silently staring up at the ceiling. He hadn’t moved an inch, and was being so quiet Jayne even had to rest a hand on his chest a few times to make sure he was breathing.

He wanted off this planet, he decided, sitting up slowly so as not to disturb his....patient? Lover? ....but just as he started to stand, Simon reached out and grabbed his shirt. He had very little strength, that was obvious, but his fingers were shaking he was putting so much effort into holding on. His eyes were still on the ceiling, but at least Simon knew he wasn’t alone.

Jayne stopped for a moment, then wrapped his fingers around Simon’s. “I want you off this planet,” he said as he brushed the hair back from Simon’s temples, not even realizing how gentle he had been with Simon since he’d been captured. Despite his words, Simon’s grip on his shirt didn’t loosen. It made him feel good that Simon trusted him but at the same time, it hurt to see the smart, overly kind doctor in such a state.

“Do you want to come with me?”

There was, of course, no response, but Jayne took the fact that Simon’s fingers stayed curled around his shirt as a definite yes. It was clear they were going to be attached at the hip for a while, and oddly enough, Jayne didn’t find that idea disturbing at all.

“All right then, let’s get you settled, let’s get off this planet, and then we’ll get you cleaned up and in some of your own clothes.”

He picked Simon up again, inwardly cringing at just how light he’d become. There was a chair in the back of the shuttle, so he settled Simon in it, then carried the whole thing, Simon included, up next to the control panel, sitting it just beside the pilot’s seat. 

A few minutes later, they were out of the planet’s atmosphere and heading toward Mal’s last known coordinates, needing only to wait for another communication from Serenity to set up a rendezvous point. 

~*~

When they were nearly half an hour out of the planet’s atmosphere, Jayne set the shuttle to autopilot and turned his attention back to Simon, who’d kept a firm grip on his shirt the entire time. “I guess we ought to clean you up now, Doc,” he said. “Man like you, used to bein’ all clean and such probably don’t feel right in those clothes.” 

Simon was gazing out the front window, expressionless. Jayne stood, then very carefully lifted Simon up again and carried him back to the bed. Rather than lay him down though, he put him in a sitting position, relieved when Simon seemed content to stay that way as Jayne turned to get some clothes out of the drawer by the bed. “Brought your own clothes,” he said, hoping that would make Simon feel better. “And a few odds and ends from your room, if you want to take a look at them.”

Simon just kept staring ahead, his face blank and pale, making Jayne wonder if he words were even getting through.

He gently but firmly pried the clutching hand from his shirt as he assured Simon he’d stay within his sight, then went into the small eating area for a bowl, filled it with water and got a hand towel. Some soap from the washroom followed and a moment later, he was sitting beside Simon again.

“Do you want to wash up?” he asked as if the situation was a perfectly normal one. 

When he got no response, he reached for Simon’s thin white shirt and started to lift it. Suddenly Simon shuddered and wrapped his fingers around Jayne’s wrist, startling them both. Their eyes met for a moment, then Simon looked away again. Jayne watched the doctor’s throat moved as he swallowed, then a too-thin hand rubbed absently over a long scar on the side of his neck.

“Doc, I know…” Jayne sighed and rubbed his fingers across his forehead. He’d never been all that good about making anyone feel better - hell, he’d never really even tried to all that often, so he was on thin ice already. He couldn’t just sit and do nothing but then again, he wasn’t about to forcibly strip the man before him. 

He licked his lips and tried a different tact. “You didn’t seem to mind too much about all my scars,” he said after a moment. “Back home I mean, when we....when you....I mean they never seemed to bother you much. I always noticed how you’d touch them real gentle-like and you looked like you were wondering how they’d got there but you never seemed to think they were ugly.”

He waited for a moment, then tugged at Simon’s shirt again. This time, the hands around his wrist slowly loosened and dropped away.

Jayne very gently tugged the shirt up, moving Simon’s arms when he seemed unwilling or unable to do it himself, then pulled the garment over his head. He had to work hard not to gasp at what he saw underneath.

Formerly perfect, unmarred skin was now ridden with scars, both old and new. He’d been whipped, likely burned, and who knew what else, Jayne realized. Besides that, there was dried blood around some of the fresher marks and he thought it likely they’d beat Simon just for the hell of it even after they’d been notified that they could no longer hold him.

“They hurt you, Doc, but I still think you’re awful pretty,” he said softly, then went to dip his washcloth into the warm water, missing the single tear that seeped out of the corner of Simon’s eyes and fell down his cheek.

~*~

It took Jayne over an hour to clean Simon up and get fresh clothes on him, with a good bit of time being spent on getting him to let Jayne take his pants off. As expected, his lower body was just as marked and bruised as his upper. He didn’t let his anger show though, and washed every wound, then applied an ointment he’d found in the shuttle’s first aid kit. Next, he changed the bloodied sheets, remade the bed without moving Simon out of it, then made some food and sat down beside him.

“It’s just soup,” he said, holding a cup up to the doctor’s lips. To his surprise, Simon lifted his hands to the cup and began to drink. He took that as another good sign and when the first cup was drained, went back to refill it and get one for himself. 

“Those little things in your arms and legs,” Jayne said, figuring they needed to get this over with, “the guard said they need to come out.” Simon’s eyes lowered to his arms and then focused back on the cup in his hands. “Thing is, I don’t know how to do that. If you want to tell me though, I can try.”

Simon again didn’t respond. Jayne moved to lean against the wall beside him, staring ahead just as the doctor had been doing only minutes before.

“Doc, I don’t know how to...how to do any of this.” Jayne remembered hearing the old earth phrase, ‘in for a penny, in for a pound,’ and thought that sounded about right for what was going on between them just now. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment, then sighed. 

“See, I don’t know how to take care of someone cause no one ever took care of me. My old man thought I made a better punching bag than a son and my Ma, well she tried, but he just took his meanness out on her when she got between us. Cause of all that, I ran away when I was 13 and I’ve been on my own ever since, really. Hooked up with a few crews, but nothing really stuck until Mal found me. I never had a real steady thing with anyone before, ya know? I’d sleep with whores or whoever was willin’ and then move on.”

He paused, took a sip of his soup, then continued. “So you bein’ all gentle and pretty and smart and wantin’ me just didn’t make no sense, you see. That, and the whole sexin’ thing. I thought you’d be better off with someone more like you. Like I told you, I was afraid I’d break you or something, but...” Jayne shrugged and ran a hand over his face. He wasn’t much on sharing, but he’d be damned if he didn’t at least try and explain how things were to Simon before he’d been taken prisoner _and_ how he’d like them to be now.

“But you’re a lot stronger than I thought. I mean...look at you. You’re here, you’re alive, and I know you didn’t tell them anything. So,I ain’t thinkin’ I’ll break you anymore. Maybe I was just being stupid thinkin’ it in the first place.”

He stole a look at Simon, who still wore no expression. He’d thought long and hard about what he wanted to say when he got Simon back again but this wasn’t how he’d imagined it working out. And quite honestly, he wasn’t sure he had it in him to say everything a second time. The first time was proving to be difficult enough. 

Still, he kept going. Just in case.

“So, what I’m trying to say, Doc, is that if you still want me for....well, for anything - just the sexin’, or if you want something more.....I don’t know...more like Zoe and Wash have, then...then I wouldn’t be against the idea no more. I don’t have no gorram idea how to do any of that relationship stuff, but...”

Jayne shook his head and felt his face flush. He wasn’t very good at this and he knew it. Likely he was just making a fool of himself.

“I’ve missed you, Doc. I felt bad about the way I’d treated you. You deserve better than that, and I think now that I’ve had time to think it over, I can do better. Maybe not as good as you deserve, but better than I did before.”

Jayne stopped then, thinking he probably should have just kept his mouth shut or at least waited for a better time to bring all this up. Just as he was about to say he was sorry, though, Simon lifted his hand and put it over Jayne’s where Jayne’s was resting on the bed between them.

They sat like that for a moment, then, finally, Simon began to speak.

~*~

“They did things to me, Jayne. Things I can’t even think about.”

The words filled the room, making Jayne feel slightly sick. He didn’t say anything though, and simply turned his hand over so his and Simon’s fingers could lace together.

“They beat me. They raped me. They gave me drugs that made me sick and made me hurt so much I wanted to die.” 

Simon held his free arm up, the little knots under his skin standing out even among the myriad of scars. “These little sensors....they’re activated by remote controls. All the guards have one. They make your muscles spasm or contract, until you’re in a fetal position and so cramped up you can barely breathe. Or…they did, when they were within a few yards of us. We’re far enough away now that the controls won’t work. They can’t hurt me now, but, yes. They should come out at some point. Just…..no more knives or needles. Not now. Not yet.”

He paused for a moment, then let his arm drop back down to his lap. “And there was a drug. One they used often when they were questioning me; it was a paralytic. It would paralyze my entire body. I couldn’t blink, couldn’t talk. Worst of all, I couldn’t breathe, because the drug won’t even let the lungs function. That was the worse. It was like drowning, but they never let me pass out. Just before that could happen, they’d put a mask over my face and force air into my lungs, and then it would start all over again.”

Jayne’s face was pale and he didn’t even realize how hard he was clutching at Simon’s hand. Simon didn’t notice either though, because his own grip was just as tight.

“I’m telling you this because I’m not the same person as I was before, Jayne.”

In the paused that followed, Jayne sensed that Simon wasn’t ready for him to say anything yet, so he kept his mouth closed and simply nodded.

“I kept thinking about you, about how you were too worried about me to take a chance on hurting me, about how you would seem to melt when I touched you in a certain way, like you’d never felt anything like that before in your life. It was the thought of you as much as River that kept me sane sometimes. Then, when you came to see me that first time, when you said you’d stayed behind for me, I... I kept thinking that if I ever got out of that place, maybe I could convince you that I wouldn’t break, that I wasn’t this fragile little thing you had to take care of, to be scared of damaging.”

“But then....they started doing other things, and.....”

Simon turned to Jayne, still looking far too pale and far too weak, but a bit more like himself. “I gave up on the idea of being with you weeks ago. But now, here you are, and here I am, and you’re offering me…” Simon smiled faintly and shrugged. “Everything. And I want it, Jayne. I want to try anyway. But I think, to be fair to you, you need to get to know me - this me, scars and all, both the ones you can see and the ones you can’t - before you make such an offer.”

Jayne waited to make sure Simon was finished, then lifted his free hand to the other man’s face. “Do you think I’d make such an offer if I wasn’t sure?” he asked softly, meeting Simon’s gaze and holding it. 

Simon didn’t look away, but it took him a long while to answer. 

“No. I don’t believe you would.”

Jayne nodded, letting his thumb run lightly over Simon’s cheek. “The scars don’t matter to me. Like I said earlier, I still think you’re the prettiest man I ever laid eyes on. As long as you understand that I meant it when I said I didn’t know nothin’ about taking care of somebody, and as long as you’re willin’ to teach me, then I think we’ve got ourselves an understanding.”

The corners of Simon’s mouth twitched up a bit at that. “This whole taking care of someone thing?” He squeezed Jayne’s fingers and actually laughed softly. He leaned over, rested his head on Jayne’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

“I think you’re a lot better at that than you know.”

~*~

Chapter 6 We’re Together Now?

~*~

It seemed as if Simon’s confession had exhausted him. As soon as Jayne slipped an arm behind his head and the doctor snuggled up against him, he was asleep. Jayne was perfectly happy to just sit there and let him rest, though he still had a lot of questions about what exactly they’d agreed to.

When Simon woke nearly two hours later, Jayne was ready for him.

“So...you and me. We’re together now, right?”

Simon yawned, started to stretch, but stopped when he realized how painful it would be. He was still far from being all right, or even ready for this conversation, but he wasn’t about to discourage Jayne when he’d obviously worked so hard to get them both this far.

“Unless you’ve changed your mind, I...guess so?”

“No.” Jayne shook his head and twisted his back a little, wincing when muscles stiff from sitting still for so long began to stretch out. “I ain’t changed my mind. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I ain’t gonna push you for nothin, Doc. Sex-wise, I mean, and I ain’t gonna go to no whorehouses either. I can be faithful, I know I can. Ain’t never had the occasion to try, but I think it’s high time I finally do.”

Simon looked down at his hands and nodded. “Thank you,” he said softly. “I still want you as much as I did before, Jayne. It just might take me some time to...”

“I’ll give you all the time you need,” Jayne finished for him.

When Simon didn’t respond, Jayne looked over at him and saw that blank look in his eyes again. He was staring off into space, looking just as lost as he had when Jayne had first carried him aboard the shuttle. Lost again, just like River got sometimes, Jayne thought. The idea scared him a little - he remembered all too well how the girl had cut him for no reason at all.

Did he really want to do this, he wondered. _Could_ he do this?

He gently laid Simon back on the bed, covered him with the blankets, and went to check the radio again, a little disappointed when a hand didn’t reach out and grab his shirt as he walked away.

~*~

It was late the next day when Jayne and Simon’s shuttle docked with Serenity. Simon had slept most of that time, waking only to eat and relieve himself, then crawling back into bed. When he was awake, he never let Jayne out of his sight, even going so far as to leave the bathroom door open a little while he took care of his bladder and brushed his teeth and hair. He was shocked and more than a little embarrassed when he looked in the mirror, but said nothing about it when he walked back out and saw Jayne watching him. 

A moment later, he was asleep again.

As soon as they docked with the Firefly though, he sat up straight in bed. “Why have we stopped?”

Jayne ducked back from the controls and sat on the edge of Simon’s bed. “We just got back with Serenity. Everyone’s gonna be so happy to see you again, Doc.”

Before he could say anything else, they heard the hatch open and then suddenly, there was Book, Kaylee and River all rushing toward him, and Mal standing behind them all, looking at both Simon and Jayne curiously.

It was too much too soon and before they got to him, Simon was scrambling back on the bed, tucking himself into the corner where the walls met and shaking uncontrollably. Jayne, too, shot into action, putting himself between Simon and the others. “You can’t go rushing at him like that,” he scolded, sitting back and wrapping one arm protectively around the other man.

“Where’s Simon?”

River’s voice rang out in the silence that followed Jayne’s words and Jayne tried not to glare at her. “He’s right here. Ain’t you got no eyes?”

“That’s not him.” River shook her head and crossed both arms over her chest. “It looks like him, but no...he’s cold. Scared. Not Simon. Not like before.”

They all watched as Simon slowly lifted his head and looked at his sister. “River, I’m....it’s me. I’m sorry. I …”

“Not him,” River shrugged, then skipped her way back to Serenity. “Not him after all. All that fuss for nothing.”

Mal looked at Jayne, who was still glaring after the girl. “It’s the Doc all right,” he said, turning his attention back to the captain. “He’s just a little different. Been through a lot.” He began gently rubbing Simon’s back as his spoke, remembering where all the scars and wounds were and avoiding them. “Mal, I think we’re going to need to stay on this shuttle for a while. Live here, I mean, just until he...until things get back to normal.”

Kaylee sniffed from beside the bed, causing Book to put an arm around her. “Now, Kaylee, it ain’t nothing personal,” Jayne said, pulling a miserable looking Simon closer. “You’re gonna have to give him some time.”

Mal leaned on the closest wall and crossed his arms over his chest just the way River had earlier. “And you, Simon? You want to live here on this shuttle with Jayne? Or you want to come back to your bunk? It’s still just like you left it, we ain’t touched a thing.”

Simon shrank back further into a corner, but managed to look up at Mal. “I...yes, I would like to stay here,” he said quietly. “With Jayne. At least for a while.”

Mal sighed, noticing just how gentle Jayne was being with Simon this time and wondering how long it would last. “Suit yourself then,” he shrugged. “Jayne, you sure you’re up to this?”

Jayne met Mal’s gaze steadily. “It was my idea, wasn’t it?”

A moment later, everyone was gone and Simon was alone with Jayne again. Simon looked up at Jayne apologetically. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot, with... everyone and with staying here. You don’t have...”

“We’re staying here,” the bigger man said firmly, his tone sure and steady. “I got most of my guns here already, got Vera, got you...don’t need nothing else. If you want something though, I’ll go get it.”

As he spoke, he took Simon’s hand, tugging lightly, and was relieved to see him come closer without any hesitation. He pulled the blankets back, urged Simon to lie down, then, since they had nowhere else to go and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone else, he slipped off his shirt and slid into bed beside him.

Simon lay on his side, still shaking, but lifted his head easily enough and rested it on Jayne’s shoulder when he got settled.

“Told you I wasn’t myself,” Simon said after a few minutes of silence.

“That’s okay, Doc.” Jayne’s hand rested lightly over Simon’s back, rubbing in slow, soothing circles. “You’re still in there. We’ll find you.”

As Simon’s breathing evened out and his hand rested over the center of Jayne’s chest, Jayne wondered how in all the ‘verse he’d ever questioned if he could do this or not.

Simon’s fingers traced over the long scar on Jayne’s chest, the one River had put there, and Jayne had to smile. Even now, that touch was so gentle - and it still surprised him that it was directed at him.

“Tell me about this one?” Simon said softly, having found another scar just below Jayne’s ribs.

Jayne took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “My old man did that one. Got mad at me for oversleepin’ one morning and bein’ late doin’ my chores. Tied me up, whipped me with his belt, then threw me off the porch. Hit my side on the railing on my way down and bled like a stuck pig.”

Jayne’s face was hard as he’d remembered that day, but softened at once when Simon leaned down and ran his lips over the scar. He had no idea why, but the simple act made him feel warm inside in ways that didn’t make sense.

It also made him feel something else, something for the first time in his life he wished he could simply ignore.

Simon’s hand paused, then moved down. When he reached the waistband of Jayne’s pants, he hesitated only for a moment, then let his fingers slip underneath. They immediately felt the warm, soft head of Jayne’s erection, and despite himself, Jayne gasped at the contact.

More often than not over the preceding months, when Jayne had jerked himself off in this very bed, it was Simon he pictured. Only after the first few times, it wasn’t the doctor’s mouth he imagined filling. It was about that time he realized he was about to step into something he had no idea how to handle.

“Doc, we don’t need to…”

Simon cut him off before he could finish. “Do you still want me, Jayne? Honestly? Even after...” He gestured toward himself, indicating the scars, the differences, the overall picture of what had been done to him.

Jayne reached down, took Simon’s hand and nudged his own erection with it. He felt the corners of his mouth twitch. “I think this pretty much answers your question, Doc, but we don’t have to...”

“I know.” Jayne heard the slight quiver in Simon’s voice though, and gently pulled his hand away. He leaned over onto his side and guided Simon onto his back. The next words were out of his mouth before he knew it.

“I want you to take me, Simon.”

The room was utterly silent as the words sunk in. Simon wasn’t scared of sex, and certainly wasn’t scared of Jayne, but he’d been forced into doing so much over the past few months that it was difficult not to associate the act of sex with pain. Still, he wanted this...this _thing_ between them to work, and he thought sex would be a big part of it for Jayne. Eventually, he figured, if there was no sex, there would be no relationship.

It had never occurred to him in his wildest dreams, however, that Jayne would want Simon to do the taking.

“I didn’t think you…”

“I don’t. I ain’t never before, but...”

They looked at each other for several moments in silence until finally Simon reached up and rested his hand on the back of Jayne’s neck. “You’d do this for me?”

Jayne looked distinctly uncomfortable for a moment, then nodded. “I figured out about a week after they took you that I’d do pretty gorram much anything in the ‘verse for you, Doc.”

The smile that Simon offered him at that made Jayne think that everything just might be all right after all.

“So, will you do it? Will you take me?”

Simon’s only answer was to drag Jayne down for a kiss.

It was slow and deep and Jayne found he really wasn’t in any hurry to end it. He felt himself slowly sinking into Simon even as Simon was drawing him closer and somehow, his fingers remembered where to touch and where not to, and his lips suddenly felt soft and full and for the first time since he’d taken Simon upstairs to that room in the whorehouse all those months ago, he wasn’t afraid of hurting him.

This odd... _tenderness_...came naturally when you cared for someone, he realized. 

He reached down, worked Simon’s shirt up, then pulled back just enough to let Simon tug it over his head. A moment later, they’d both slipped out of their pants and this time, Jayne didn’t give Simon any time to worry over the marks on his body - he simply kissed him again and slowly leaned back, forcing Simon to lean up to keep their lips sealed together.

Simon’s hand trailed down again, reached Jayne’s erection and slowly began stroking it. It twitched against his palm and Simon pulled back breathlessly to look at the dark eyes before him. 

“You’re sure?”

Jayne licked his lips and tilted his head just a bit, nodding toward the nightstand above him. “Lube’s in the drawer.”

Simon had to smile at that, then leaned over and got what he needed.

A moment later, he was positioning himself between Jayne’s legs. He was painfully aroused as well and when he leaned over to lick at the tip of Jayne’s cock, his own began leaking in response. “God, I’ve missed you,” he murmured, closing his eyes and smiling, the taste of his lover filling his mouth.

“Missed you too,” Jayne breathed, his own eyes closed in pleasure as his hips lifted up off the bed. 

He surprised at himself a moment later when he realized he’d meant it.

A low moan filled the room as Simon took him in deep again, then, a moment later, Jayne felt a slick finger moving over his entrance. He tensed for just a moment, then spread his legs wider in invitation. “Simon...” The word was breathed more than it was spoken and it didn’t even bother him that he sounded desperate and needy; not any more, not with Simon. For the first time in his life, he was letting himself be completely vulnerable with someone, and he had absolutely no second thoughts about who that someone was.

Jayne gasped as his body was breached, a single slick digit sinking past virgin muscles and coming to rest deep inside him. It felt odd but not uncomfortable and he relaxed against the bed, letting the sensations of Simon’s mouth moving over his flesh take over all thought. The finger moved in and out a few dozen times, making him moan loudly and spread his legs even wider. The next thing he knew, a second finger was slowly working its way in beside the first. This time, it was a bit uncomfortable until those two fingers crooked and Simon found his prostate, causing him to cry out in both pleasure and surprise.

Simon reached down to stroke himself as his head bobbed up and down on Jayne’s cock. The fingers inside Jayne’s tight passage spread and twisted, and in almost no time at all, the tight passage was accepting him easily. He worked Jayne’s length hard, feeling the soft head push past his lips and against the back of his throat while his fingers thrust in a slow, steady rhythm, nudging Jayne’s sweet spot at every opportunity.

Jayne was a mess. 

His eyes were closed and his body was moving, rocking, writhing on the bed before Simon while Simon worked him and watched with both lust and a touch of amusement. Without breaking the rhythm of his thrusting fingers, he managed to very carefully slide in a third, making Jayne’s eyes open wide and his mouth move soundlessly as his body adjusted. He could feel the stretch and burn, but the sensations were dulled by feeling of that warm, wet tongue moving over his cock. He’d felt that before, of course, when they’d been together, but when it was coupled with fingers moving inside him, teasing that…..that magic spot he’d heard about but had never felt….well, it was a whole different ballgame.

He wanted to wait, but it felt so incredible, he barely found the words to warn Simon when he was about to come. As such, he managed only a strangled cry as he clutched at the bedsheets and spilled inside Simon’s mouth. Simon closed his eyes and swallowed again and again, running his tongue along the vein on the underside of Jayne’s cock, coaxing out the last drops of his release. His fingers slowed and he looked down, feeling his own cock jerk as he saw dusky pink skin wrapped tight around his fingers, clenching and drawing them in further as Jayne came down from the high of his orgasm.

Simon waited a few moments, then slowly pulled his fingers away, causing Jayne to moan helplessly. Jayne was relaxed and boneless, just the way Simon needed him to be for what they were about to do. 

The only problem was, Simon’s body hadn’t been used to this much movement in months and he was getting tired. He still wanted Jayne; that much was clear even as he smiled at his lover and ran his hands over taut abdominal muscles. 

Being away from him for so long had made Jayne hyperaware of Simon’s moods and expressions. He was watching everything closely despite having just had one of the most intense orgasms of his life, and he saw immediately what Simon didn’t want to admit. As such, he sat up and wrapped his arms around Simon, kissing him deeply. “Sit back against the wall,” he said softly, licking at soft lips when Simon started to protest.

Simon knew as well as Jayne did though, that he was in no shape to continue as they were. “I’m sorry,” he said, face turning red and eyes downcast.

Jayne merely helped Simon slide over to sit against the wall, legs straight out. Jayne planted one knee on each side of his lover’s thighs, then reached between them to wrap his fingers around Simon’s erection. “Remember the way you took care of me after that bar fight? The way you just let me lay back and enjoy? The way I see it, this is sort of the same. We’ve gotta look out for each other now, you and me.” 

Simon let his hands roam over Jayne’s sides and arms, loving the feel of that soft, supple skin, so warm against his own skin that felt like it would never be warm again. Jayne shifted against him, slid his knees forward and positioned the tip of Simon’s cock against his entrance. He was more focused on Simon than himself at the moment, so he wasn’t as worried as he might have been in this situation had it been any other time or place. He rested one hand on the side of Simon’s face and looked into his eyes. As their eyes met, he smiled and let his thumb run lightly over soft, full lips until Simon smiled as well. 

That smile turned into a soft gasp as Jayne slowly sank down on him. Simon’s hands found strong, muscular hips and though he was certainly in no position to move Jayne in any way, he held on to him as best as he could as he continued to lower himself. Jayne stopped when the back of his thighs rested against the front of Simon’s and he was completely impaled on the doctor’s straining length. His gaze never wavered, but his eyes darkened and he moaned low and deep in his chest, the vibrations going through his entire body as he did so.

“Jayne…” Simon leaned forward and let their lips meet again. One large, strong hand rested on his shoulder while the other, the one that had been touching his face, slid to rest on the back of his neck. He could feel every one of Jayne’s inner muscles adjusting to the intrusion. His own hands moved up to wrap around his lover, holding him close as they kissed. While their tongues explored, he could feel Jayne’s cock filling and hardening against his stomach, already ready to go again.. 

When their lips parted, Jayne was panting and flushed. “Oh, God, Simon.” He licked his lips, then gingerly lifted his lower body up just a little. The swollen head of Simon’s cock was resting just over Jayne’s sweet spot and that little movement was all it took to cause it to nudge those sensitive nerves again. Another little lift, then another, each one just a bit higher than the last until Jayne was soon riding him.

For his part, Jayne was shocked at just how good it felt. The fingers on that spot inside him had felt amazing, but this….this was something else entirely. After the initial pain of being entered for the first time, his body had adjusted quickly and heat had started to gather in his groin. His balls felt heavy and full, despite the fact he’d just came minutes earlier. He’d expected to get hard, to want to come again, but damn…. he’d never expected this _need_ to move, to hit that spot inside him over and over, to feel Simon thrusting up into him as he (thankfully) started to do only moments later.

Simon reached between them and began stroking Jayne’s length with one hand, causing the bigger man to throw his head back and draw in a deep, ragged breath. “Not…. not gonna last long,” he panted a very short while later. “Not with your cock in me like this, spreadin’ me open, hittin’ that spot…”

Simon moaned at the description and the sudden warmth of precum as it dribbled over his fingers. He felt his own erection twitch and get even harder as he continued thrusting, knowing that he was hitting Jayne’s prostate dead on. With no warning at all this time, Jayne spilled between them, covering Simon’s hand and clenching around the hard flesh buried inside him. 

Simon came moments later, his face buried against Jayne’s shoulder, mouth open, his cries muffled by warm skin and hard muscles.

Jayne’s instinct was to simply move away and collapse onto the bed as he had every other time he’d had sex. That this was the first time he’d been on the receiving end didn’t make any difference.

That is was Simon he was with, Simon who was inside him and clinging to him, made all the difference in the world.

Again, he surprised himself when he realized he didn’t really _want_ to move. 

Jayne settled down against his lover’s thighs again and wondered what he should do. Simon was still panting, face still resting against his chest, entire body shaking from the intensity of his orgasm. Then he tried to figure out what Simon would do if their positions had been reversed. With a half smile, he began combing his fingers through dark, messy hair, and kissed Simon’s cheek, which, of course, made Simon smile and melt into him.

He was, Jayne thought proudly to himself, getting better and better at this.

~*~

Book brought a large tray full of food to their shuttle later that evening. The door was locked, as per Simon’s request. When Jayne opened the door, Book was shocked at how different Simon looked. He still looked far from the man he’d been all those months before, but at least he wasn’t cowering in the corner this time. He looked nervous, but when Jayne sat beside him and took his hand again, he seemed to relax.

“If you ever need to talk, Simon, you know where to find me.”

Simon nodded, then looked away. “Thank you,” he said, then cleared his throat. When he spoke again, his voice was stronger. “I’ve…been talking to Jayne. It helped. Helps.”

Book nodded. “Yes, it generally does. I’m glad you’ve found someone to listen.” He had to bite back a smile as Jayne puffed out his chest a bit and looked extraordinarily proud of himself. 

He deserved to be proud too, the shepherd thought. He hadn’t seen Simon when he’d first been released of course, but he’d seen others who had been in that same situation and hadn’t fared nearly as well as their ship’s medic.

He told them that everyone on the ship was fine, including River, who only occasionally asked where Simon was, though she allowed Kaylee to keep her busy most days and had taken to sleeping with Kaylee or Inara during the nights.

After all the news had been delivered, Book wished them both well, left the food and headed back to the others to report Simon’s progress.

~*~

Chapter 8 A Few Steps Forward

~*~

Several days passed before Simon would let Jayne out of his sight. He seemed to get better for the most part, but now and then, he would stare off into space again, lost to everyone, even Jayne for hours at a time. When he was in one of those states, Jayne would just lie next to him and hold his hand or settle him in his lap and talk to him until he came out of it. He didn’t know what else to do, quite honestly and didn’t think it would be a good idea to ask Simon himself.

After nearly two weeks of having their meals brought to them by Book or Kaylee, Simon suggested a walk around Serenity. Jayne, who had been getting a bit of cabin fever anyway, was more than happy to oblige. He opened the door and stepped through, only to find Simon staring just beyond him rather than following. 

Over the last weeks, if there was one thing Jayne had learned, it was patience. He offered his hand, then waited for Simon to ready himself. After a long minute, Simon took a deep breath, then reached for Jayne’s hand. 

Jayne let Simon direct them to wherever he wanted to go, and, not surprisingly, he ended up back in his old room. He closed the door behind them, sank down on the bed and looked around.

Jayne sat just across from him and waited.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a burden,” Simon said, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Burden? You ain’t been no burden,” Jayne said, shaking his head. 

“Jayne, you’ve not been off that shuttle in weeks. Not to mention you stayed on…”

“Simon.”

Simon stopped and rubbed at his forehead. “I just…I’m sorry. I know you need your space and…”

“Don’t need no space,” Jayne said stubbornly.

Simon licked his lips and tried again. “What I’m trying to say is that…”

“Look Doc, let me make this clear for you,” Jayne interrupted yet again. “I did me a lot of thinkin’ back on that planet when you were…when we were apart.” He moved closer, rested his elbows on his knees and reached for both of Simon’s hands. “I’d think about you at all these weird times. When I’d see someone wearin’ a vest on the street. Or when I’d do a job and get hurt or…”

“Hurt? Jayne...”

“Now just listen and don’t go runnin’ off on somethin’. Let me finish first.”

Simon sighed and nodded. 

“Like I done told you, I thought about you a lot,” Jayne continued. “I thought about the times I hadn’t treated you too good and about how it must have made you feel when I said some of the things I said. But things are different now. I’m different. I asked you before if you wanted to be with me and you said yes. Now you talking about being a burden and all that….you ain’t changed your mind about us bein’ together, have you?”

“No, I just…”

“Well good, then because somewhere along the way, without meanin’ to, I went and fell in love with you.” Jayne’s face was flushed and he looked more embarrassed than Simon had ever seen him, but at the same time, he looked perfectly serious.

“Now I ain’t meaning you have to love me back, but I thought that maybe it might make it easier for you to say yes if you knew that when I asked you to move in with me. Or let me move in here with you, when we move out of the shuttle…”

Jayne stopped short, certain he’d made a huge mistake. Simon was staring at him with huge eyes and his mouth nearly hanging open, shaking his head as if to clear it.

“Now, Simon, I don’t mean…”

Simon leaned back on the bed and pulled Jayne with him, not stopping until Jayne was laying flush on top of him. 

“I’ve loved you for a long, long time, Jayne,” he said, looking up at the other man, tracing the lines of his beard with one finger. “Long before I got up the nerve to ask you to take me upstairs in that tavern.”

It was Jayne’s turn to look shocked then. “But…but I was a right ass to you then…”

Simon leaned up and kissed Jayne then. As always seemed to happen when their lips met these days, Jayne got a little lost and forgot what he was saying. He rolled over so all his weight wasn’t on Simon, and they lay there like two teenagers making out for nearly a quarter of an hour. Jayne was naturally gentle with Simon. Somehow, he’d instinctively learned how to be; probably because Simon had been that way with him. 

After they’d both caught their breath, Jayne rested back against the pillows and Simon moved to lay his head on Jayne’s shoulder. 

“So…does that mean you’ll move in with me?” Jayne asked after a while.

“I’d love to.” Simon snuggled closer and couldn’t seem to start smiling. “Here or your bunk?”

Jayne really looked around Simon’s room for the first time. “Yours is bigger, but I got to have some place to hang my guns. And River… well, she says my room smells funny.”

Simon bit back a smile. “You can hang your guns anywhere you like, and your room smells wonderful.” He tilted his head up and kissed the side of Jayne’s neck. “It smells like you, which is my favorite smell in the whole universe.”

Jayne again had reason to look pleased with himself at that. Before, he’d only ever been happy about his skills at killing or shooting somebody. Maybe out-drinkin’ them or beatin’ the hell out of them in a fight. But now, Simon made him feel like more than just hired muscle or a pack mule. Simon made him feel like a man. A good man. And that was something he’d never in his life felt before.

“Why don’t we move in tonight?” Simon asked softly, tracing his fingers over a random scar or two on Jayne’s chest. “Maybe after dark? I still don’t want to really see anyone, not even River just yet, but I know you have things you need to do now that you’re back and I can’t keep you all to myself anymore.”

“Can if you want to,” Jayne grinned.

Simon laughed and relaxed. “Mal wouldn’t be too pleased, I’m sure.”

“Mal can kiss my…”

“No, he can’t. Not anymore.”

Jayne raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly. “Jealous, are we?”

“Just want to keep what’s mine all to myself.”

Jayne’s smirk turned into a broad smile. “And I reckon’ I’m all yours. Does that mean you’re all mine too?”

“You certainly ar….I mean….I reckon so,” Simon answered with the faintest hint of a smile.

~*~

A while later, Jayne turned on his side and touched Simon’s face, a gesture that had become one of his favorite pastimes.

“I want to ask you something but I want you to know that your answer don’t matter when it comes to our decision about being together,” he promised. 

Simon simply nodded.

“I wondered…well, since you have….I mean I’ve seen those scars on your head like the ones River has. Does that mean…?” His words trailed off and the room was silent for a moment.

“I don’t know,” Simon said softly. “I don’t remember some of the things they did. They had her for years. They had me….” He looked up at Jayne. “How long was I in there?”

“Seven months and three days,” Jayne answered. “The longest seven months and three days of my life.”

“Mine too.” Simon closed his eyes and practically burrowed beneath Jayne. He thought he’d been there for years, not months. He wished he could promise he wouldn’t have the same problems River did, but he couldn’t be sure. He’d lost part of himself in there, somewhere between the physical and the mental torture; lost a part much like River had.

“Don’t matter none,” Jayne whispered, kissing the top of his head. “Don’t matter none at all.”

~*~

They moved into Simon’s old room onboard Serenity later that night. No one even knew until they showed up hand in hand for breakfast the next morning, though Simon stayed in the door way and didn’t say much. River looked at him suspiciously for a moment, then looked away without saying anything. Jayne got them both a bowl of oatmeal and they headed back to their room to eat. 

“He’s still missing too many pieces,” she said cryptically after they’d left. 

A few days later, Simon had worked his way up to actually sitting at the table with the others. He sat stiffly, holding Jayne’s hand as it rested on his leg, and flinched with every loud noise, but he was there, and he was trying and that was a huge step forward. He didn’t say much, responding only to someone when they asked him a question, then only with short, direct answers.

On the second night they’d sat at the table, Simon was actually able to eat something.

~*~

Later that same week, Zoe saw Simon sitting in the corner of the kitchen with Jayne, worrying one of the little scars on his arm. “I can take those out for you,” she offered, knowing just what they were. She’d seen them used often enough during the war. Simon hesitated, but finally nodded. “No anesthetic. I’ve had enough needles and drugs.”

Simon balked at going to the infirmary, the very idea of so many sharp instruments around him now the thing of nightmares instead of comfort, so she went to get a few instruments and brought them to him. As soon as he saw her with a scalpel, however, he nearly crawled into Jayne and started shaking.

Zoe backed away quickly and put everything down, wishing she knew what to say or do. She knew it was nothing personal, but at the same time, it hurt to see him so afraid. She, like everyone else on the ship, had grown fond of him and wanted the old Simon back. 

After a while Simon looked up from where his face was buried against Jayne’s neck. He never knew what would set him off these days. He didn’t have moments like River; his were more like full blown panic attacks and all he could ever think to do when he had one was to find Jayne. He was literally the only person in the world who could make him feel safe. Those thickly muscled arms grounded him, held him together and he only ever felt like he could really breathe when they were wrapped around him.

And, bless him, Jayne was always there with open arms, never impatient or with anything better to do with his time. He’d said he didn’t know how to do relationships, Simon thought vaguely, but he couldn’t have asked for anyone better, not in his wildest dreams.

Simon reached out with a shaking hand for an alcohol pad, swiped it over one of the beads under his skin, then reached for the scalpel, all the while with Jayne’s arms around him. As the blade touched his skin, his breath hitched and his already pale skin grew even paler. Before he could do anything else, a larger, wider hand wrapped over his own and very carefully pressed just the tip of the blade over the bead. Simon’s hand was steady with Jayne’s wrapped around it, and a moment later, the first bead had been removed.

Simon put the scalpel down and looked at his hands. “Useless,” he muttered. “Fucking useless hands. I’ll never…”

“They weren’t useless last night,” Jayne said softly, nuzzling against Simon’s neck, a lazy smile touching his lips. “They were steady as a rock last night when they were opening me up and…”

Simon’s face turned bright red and he looked up at his lover. “Jayne!”

“Well, they were,” Jayne said, ignoring everyone else in the room, focused only on making Simon feel better. “They were doing all those complicated little movements inside me, twisting and turning…..I know because I could feel them…and…”

“Okay, okay, enough.” Simon actually laughed and kissed Jayne’s cheek. “They were pretty steady last night, weren’t they?”

“No complaints coming from me.” Jayne laughed quietly, the sound meant only for Simon’s ears. The rest of the room stared at both of them in wonder as they continued whispering and even giggling now and then, amazed at just how quickly and how often the lovers got lost in their own little world where no one at all besides them seemed to exist. It wasn’t so surprising in Simon, but in Jayne? It was damn near miraculous.

It took them nearly two hours and two dozen butterfly bandages to close the tiny holes in his skin. They were small enough, thankfully, that they didn’t need stitches. Jayne’s fingers were cramping by the time they finished but he didn’t say as much. 

When they finished, Simon leaned back against Jayne again and closed his eyes, exhausted. Neither man noticed that everyone in the room had watched them in fascination for a while, then slowly, one by one, had filed out, leaving them alone.

“Let’s go home, _bao bei_ ,” Jayne murmured. 

Simon nodded and, after a moment, stood. Jayne stood as well, took his hand, and they headed back to their room and to bed.

~*~

As they were just about to go to sleep the next night, Simon leaned up on one arm and studied Jayne thoughtfully for a moment.

Jayne stared back, ready to listen if Simon needed to talk, something he’d been doing a lot of lately, especially late at night when the ship was mostly silent. He saw the scar on Simon’s bottom lip, the one just by his temple, the longer, thicker one that nearly wrapped around the lower part of his neck from when one of the guards had nearly strangled him after a whipping had failed to get him to talk.

“Would we have gotten together if I hadn’t been captured?” Simone asked, his voice low and serious. “Would you ever have let me in like this?”

Jayne worried his bottom lip for a moment, then shrugged. “I don’t know. Never had anything good like this before, so I didn’t recognize it when it was starin’ me in the face. Didn’t even know how good it could have been until you were gone and I started missing you. Knew I had to have you then, if you still wanted me.”

Simon nodded, then put his head back down on Jayne’s shoulder. Nearly half an hour passed before he spoke again. 

“Then….it was all worth it. Being captured I mean. If it got me here, with you.”

That brought tears to Jayne’s eyes as he wrapped both arms around him, but he wouldn’t let even Simon see those.

~*~

Mal had to admit he was impressed by the change in Jayne. Love did strange things to a man, and he was seeing that firsthand. He didn’t think Simon would have made it had it not been for Jayne, but he still worried that given the right set of circumstances, Jayne would revert back to his old ways. He didn’t know, of course, about the secrets Jayne and Simon had shared with one another; the horrible, heartbreaking stories Jayne would stoically tell Simon about his childhood or the cruel, unfathomable stories of torture Simon shared with Jayne. Their bond went far beyond anything Mal would ever know, and they’d both opened themselves up, each with the knowledge that after being that vulnerable with someone, there would be no going back.

And thankfully, neither of them wanted to.

~*~

Given Simon and Jayne’s obvious love and respect for each other, Mal dreaded having to give Jayne the news about their next job. 

He managed to get Jayne alone in the hallway just outside of their room. Things weren’t quite back to normal yet – Simon hadn’t been back to the infirmary at all since his return, but thankfully no one had been sick or injured. And Jayne…no one on board had even sensed a whiff of anger from him since he and Simon were officially a couple. He seemed too devoted to his partner to stick his nose in anywhere else or cause trouble. 

Mal’s news, however, was going to hit a sour note with Jayne and Mal knew it.

“Need to speak with you just a minute, Jayne,” he said just before Jayne opened the door to the room he now shared with Simon. 

“Yeah?”

“We’ve got a job.”

Jayne smiled a little at that bit of news. “Good. We could use the money. Zoe’s been giving River her medicine and she said we’re getting low, not to mention Simon’s birthday is coming up and I want to get him something nice like a…”

“It’s on a Core planet.”

Jayne stared at Mal in astonishment. “You….you ain’t serious. I know you wouldn’t put him through…”

“Jayne, it’s more money than we’ve seen in years. We need this. Simon can stay on the ship, but…”

“No.”

“We’re gonna need you. There’s a lot of supplies to be moved and a short time to do it. Zoe and I can’t do it all ourselves and Wash and Book aren’t going to be much help.”

“Just need me for the muscle, don’t you?” Jayne said coldly. “The answer is still no. I can’t leave him alone, especially not on a Core planet where those gorram feds are crawling all over the place. Likely as not one of ‘em will forget he ain’t wanted no more and try somethin’ stupid.”

At that moment, the door to their room opened.

Simon stood before Mal and Jayne, looking tired but a bit steadier than he had earlier that evening at dinner.

“Jayne. We need to do this. I’ll be fine.”

Jayne moved into the room, stood behind Simon and rubbed his shoulders, glaring over his head at Mal.

“We’ll take off on a shuttle and let them do it,” Jayne said firmly. “Ain’t no need for you to be back on no planet where the feds are that thick.”

Simon shook his head and leaned back into his lover. “They need you. I’ve kept you from so much lately, and I know you’ve got to be itching to get back to work.” He turned and rested both hands over Jayne’s chest. “We need the payoff. If River doesn’t get her medicine….”

“Simon…”

“I’ll be fine.”

“It’ll just be for a few hours,” Mal interjected, knowing he could simply order Jayne to do as he was told. He just didn’t have the heart to do that though, not after all he’d done for Simon, all the changes he’d made.

“Simon….I can’t…”

Simon smiled at Jayne and leaned up to kiss his cheek. “You can. They need you.”

“So do you.”

“Yes, I do. And I’ll be waiting right here for you when you get back. Just hurry and most of all, be careful.”

Jayne sighed. He was outnumbered and he knew there was no way he could ever say no to Simon. “Fine. When do we get there?”

Mal nodded his thanks toward Simon when Simon glanced over at him. “In three days.”

~*~

Chapter 8 When Things Go Terribly Wrong

~*~

If Simon thought the months he’d been a prisoner had gone slowly, they were nothing compared to the hours he waited for Jayne to return. They’d left early – exactly seven hours and fourteen minutes before, and said they would likely return before nightfall, which, on that planet was another four hours away.

He’d seriously considered giving himself a shot to help him sleep so the hours would pass quickly, but he wanted to be awake when Jayne returned.

As Jayne had kissed him before he’d left that morning, Simon had the sick feeling that they’d never see each other again. He tried to tell himself it was just his anxiety talking, but that didn’t make the feeling go away.

Finally, after ten hours and forty minutes, he heard the cargo bay door opening. Making a beeline in that direction, he stopped short when he saw only Zoe standing there.

“What happened? Where is he?”

Zoe came up to him and tried to take his hands but Simon backed away. “Where. Is. Jayne?”

“The…job, it went bad. The cargo was…let’s just say, there were problems. Mal and Jayne were…there was an explosion. They’re both in the hospital now.”

Simon grabbed on to the railing, about to be sick. He hadn’t been out of the shuttle, then out of Serenity, since he’d been released from the Alliance prison and now…now his partner was in the middle of a fucking Alliance Hospital.

He fought off a panic attack and met Zoe’s gaze. He swallowed the lump in his throat and steeled himself for what was to come. “Take me to him.”

Zoe simply nodded and turned around, knowing Simon would follow.

It was the most difficult trip of his life, far worse than even the trip from Serenity to the Alliance prison. He hadn’t known what he was facing then, but even now, looking back on it all, it was nothing compared to knowing Jayne was hurt, needing him, and he wasn’t there.

They ran all the way to the hospital, with Simon ignoring everyone, concentrating on merely putting one foot in front of the other and getting to where he needed to go. They entered the hospital moments later and Zoe led him past a security guard who, from the look he gave her, had already dealt with her once, as he merely tipped his hat at her as they passed. They came to stop in front of an ER bay just as the doctor looked up at the clock.

“Time of death 1321,” he said just as Simon skidded to a stop and looked down to see Jayne on the table.

“No!” 

He pushed past Zoe and was standing by Jayne a heartbeat later. He touched Jayne’s neck and didn’t feel a pulse. “Primacor, epi and dopamine,” he said, only a trace of tremor in his voice. “Straight to his heart, and for God’s sake, bag him, keep his lungs working.”

“Who are you?” The doctor who’d just pronounced Jayne looked up over his mask at Simon with narrowed eyes. “And what the hell are you doing in my ER?”

“Please, just give him those drugs. I’m his doctor, and he…”

“Guards!”

Two guards rushed into the room followed by four Alliance officers who happened to be nearby. Simon paled at once at the very sight of them, but struggled for all he was worth as he was grabbed and hauled back away from the table. The guards were bigger and stronger, their grips on Simon’s arms bruising, and he didn’t stand a chance despite his best efforts to get away.

“Just try it, please! You have nothing to lose! He’s reacting to the medications you’ve given him already, not the accident. Trust me, I know, I’m a trauma surgeon and I’ve treated him for this same reaction before.”

“Yeah, you’re a surgeon,” one of the guards said, hauling Simon up by the arm so hard his feet left the floor. In that moment, Simon, who was so tired of being afraid, jerked one arm out of the guard’s grasp and grabbed his gun. He kicked the guard holding him in the knee and jumped back when he went down. 

Simon quickly backed away from the guards and moved to the corner of the room so the wall was at his back. A moment later, the gun was pointing toward the ER doctor. “Give him the god damn medicine,” he said evenly.

Mal, who had only sustained some cuts and bruises, appeared in the door just then, Zoe at his side. 

“Son, you’re gonna get yourself killed,” he said, surprised at seeing Simon of all people fighting off a half dozen Feds.

“Just give him the drugs.”

The doctor looked up, met Simon’s eyes and saw the barely controlled panic there. But there was a keen intelligence there too that he normally didn’t see in distraught family members who stormed into his ER.

After only a moment’s hesitation, he told the nurse next to him to hand over the drugs Simon had ordered. The man was right…there was nothing to lose now. His patient was officially dead.

Another nurse started bagging Jayne again and a moment later, the doctor was plunging a needle directly into Jayne’s heart.

Simon’s hand started shaking a little, and the gun wavered between the Alliance officers who’d had the sense to put their hands in the air and the emergency room doctor. He could have heard a pin drop as the entire room held their breath for what were, without a doubt, the longest, most miserable seconds of his life.

A loud, strangled gasp for air suddenly came from the bed and Jayne’s entire upper body jerked. He sat up with a roar, sure he was under attack judging from the sudden pain he felt in his chest and the ache of his injuries.

His gaze landed on Simon, who stood across the room, looking scared but determined, his eyes steady as they stared at Jayne in abject relief. Before he could react, Simon dropped the gun and closed the distance between himself and Jayne. 

The Alliance officers made a move to go after him, but then Jayne was wrapping one arm around Simon as the other suddenly, miraculously, produced a gun from God only knew where. “Touch him and I’ll kill every last one of you,” he growled.

“How the hell did he get that weapon in here?” the ER doctor snapped.

Despite having just been dead, Jayne’s hand holding the gun was steady. His gaze at the officers never wavered, even when they pointed their own guns at him.

“Everyone calm down,” the doctor said, easing his way between the gun and the officers. “You can leave. This man is obviously a doctor. He saved my patient’s life, so he can stay. He’s only did what needed to be done to get someone to listen to him – and I can’t fault him for that. And this gun that my patient magically produced out of thin air is going to be…..put in a safe place.”

He reached out and tried to take the gun from Jayne, but Jayne simply flicked his hand and knocked the doctor away, still holding Simon protectively against him. He loosened his hold just enough to let Simon turn around and face the rest of the room, and slid his hand down so his arm was wrapped around Simon’s waist, fingers resting on his hip.

“It’s okay, Mr….”

“Cobb. Mr. Cobb,” Jayne snapped. “Get them out of here. They’ll have to kill me before they lay one gorram hand on him.”

Simon closed his eyes and let his hands fall to his sides. “I’m sorry. I just wanted someone to listen to me and….I was just trying to help.”

The ER doctor stepped in again. “And you did, doctor. You saved him.”

Slowly, the officers lowered their weapons and backed out of the room one by one, passing an amused-looking Mal and Zoe as they left. As soon as the last one was gone, Simon turned back around and wrapped both arms around Jayne’s neck. As soon as he did, Jayne relaxed and let Simon lower him back to the bed. He was exhausted, his little display of strength nothing more than adrenaline and protective instincts kicking into gear at seeing Simon at the mercy of the Alliance….again.

“Wha….what happened?” he asked, still holding on to his gun.

Simon sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through Jayne’s short hair. “I don’t really know. Zoe said there was an explosion. You and Mal were injured and…”

“Not me….you? How did those gorram Feds get their hands on you?” Jayne interrupted. “And….hell, how did you get here anyway? I thought…I mean….you haven’t been off Serenity since…”

“I know. But Zoe said you were hurt and there was no way I could stay on board knowing you were here and needed me. The Feds had their hands on me,” he paused and shuttered, “because I ran in here like a lunatic. You were…”

Simon closed his eyes and shook his head.

“I’d just pronounced you dead,” the ER doctor supplied, watching the two men before him. “The doctor here saved you.”

“Dead?”

Jayne’s eyes widened and he reached up to pull Simon down against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against the doctor’s ear, as if he’d done something wrong on purpose. His hands moved over Simon’s back and he wished he’d never gotten off the gorram ship. He’d known this was a bad idea from the moment Mal brought it up. 

He only then saw Mal and Zoe watching him. “Well, what is it?” He snarled. “You got somethin’ to say, Captain?”

Mal smiled and shook his head. “No, I’m good, Jayne. Carry on. See you back at the ship.” With that, he and Zoe backed away and were gone.

“Well,” the ER doctor said, politely clearing his throat. “I need to run a few more tests, but I think you’re going to be just fine, Mr. Cobb.”

Simon sat up and listened carefully, closing his fingers around Jayne’s when Jayne’s hand sought and found his own. 

“You have a few minor burns and some pretty good bruises, but it looks like your heart stopped because of the medications we gave you earlier, just like the doctor here said. I’d like to run some more tests to check your heart functions, but…”

“Ain’t got time for no tests. I’m gettin’ out of here,” Jayne said, slowly sitting up and holding on to Simon for support.

Simon shook his head. “Jayne, if he thinks you need tests…”

“He nearly killed me!”

“He saved your…”

“No, that was you.”

“Jayne, he just wants to…”

“No. You can take care of me just fine,” the big man said stubbornly. “Don’t need no other doctor.”

Simon met the ER doctor’s eyes across the table. “I’ll watch out for him if you’ll just let him go.”

The doctor hesitated for a moment, then nodded. “I can see he’s in good hands, so fine. I’ll get the paperwork started.”

~*~

Simon refused to let Jayne out of bed for nearly a week unless it was to shower. In deference to Jayne’s heart, he wouldn’t let their activities go beyond kissing and they spent much of their time doing just that or simply talking. A good portion of every day was devoted to cleaning Jayne’s guns, of course, and by the end of the week, Simon was nearly as adept as Jayne at taking each one apart, cleaning it, and reassembling it just the way it was before. Jayne was incredibly proud and Simon was faintly amused at the turn of events but he had to admit that the greasy hands and dirty rags were a small price to pay to see Jayne so happy.

At the end of the week, Jayne was getting restless and seemed to be back to his old self.

“In the morning, we’ll go have breakfast with the others,” Simon promised a grumbling Jayne who was adjusting one of the guns he’d hung on the wall above the bed. “But for tonight…”

Simon crawled into bed and commanded all of Jayne’s attention when he snuggled close. It took Jayne less than a second to realize his lover was naked and forget all about the gun.

He rolled over and was on Simon in a heartbeat. It had been over a week, which was a hell of a long time for him. Simon hadn’t even allowed him to jerk off or offered to do it for him, saying he didn’t want to strain Jayne’s heart.

As such, Jayne was hard as a rock after a few kisses. It took only moments to slide out of the shorts he’d been sleeping in and pull Simon against him. A soft moan filled the room when he realized Simon was as hard as he was. 

They’d found that Simon liked it when Jayne lay over him. It should have panicked him, but as long as he could look up and see those dark eyes above him, having that larger, solid form over him made him feel safe, rather than trapped. As Jayne started to move over him this time, however, Simon stopped him, and pushed him back to lie on his side.

Before Jayne could question him, Simon was sliding down in the bed and dragging his tongue over the entire length of the thick shaft between Jayne’s legs. Jayne moaned and automatically reached down to comb his fingers though Simon’s hair. 

“This way first,” Simon murmured, dipping his head down further and mouthing each of Jayne’s testicles in turn. “Want to taste you, get you off like this, then get you hard again while you open me up.”

Jayne blinked and tugged at Simon’s hair. “Op…open you up?”

“Yes, Jayne. I’m not afraid of you. I thought I’d lost you last week, just like you thought that about me. I realized I’d been doing the same thing you had – holding back because I was scared. I’m not going to do that anymore. If you want me, then you get all of me, not just the parts that are the easiest for me to give.”

Jayne looked down at Simon in astonishment, but then licked his lips and nodded. “We don’t…you don’t…”

“I know. And that’s just one of the reasons I love you.”

All other thought was obliterated when Simon’s lips covered the swollen head of Jayne’s cock and slid down. 

Simon’s mouth was like magic – all soft and hot and slick, and he knew how to work it perfectly to bring Jayne off. He sucked and licked, hands rolling and tugging at Jayne’s testicles, tongue delving into the slit at the top at just the right angle. When Jayne came only minutes later, Simon swallowed everything, then licked him clean. When he crawled back up the bed after it was over, Jayne grabbed and kissed him, a low moan vibrating in his chest as he tasted himself on Simon’s tongue.

Finally, they pulled away, both breathless and flushed, hearts pounding and Simon’s erection digging into Jayne’s thigh. Simon’s hand had drifted down during the kiss and Jayne was already half hard again both from the touch, the kisses and the idea of what was coming next. He knew now that he wasn’t going to hurt Simon – he couldn’t if someone had offered him all the credits and coins in the ‘verse to do it.

His hands moved slowly over Simon’s body and he was grateful that he’d already come once, so he wasn’t quite as desperate as he would have been otherwise. He moved so he was over Simon and Simon was spread out on his back before him. When those blue eyes looked up at him, he saw no fear there, only desire and trust. That trust had been there long before Simon had been taken, but it was only now that Jayne could recognize it for what it was. 

Jayne took his time, teasing Simon’s nipples with his lips and tongue until they were hard, then licking his way across each rib, which served both to amuse and relax Simon as well as make him that much harder.

As he moved down, Simon’s legs parted without hesitation. Jayne groaned at the sight and leaned down, nuzzling at the juncture where his lover’s thigh met his torso. He looked up, reached for a pillow and slid it underneath Simon’s hips. Simon didn’t question him, instead choosing to let him do whatever he wanted. 

Jayne’s mouth lowered again and for the first time ever, he took another man’s cock between his lips. This caused Simon to gasp and lean up, looking down at his lover in utter shock even as his head began to spin at the sensation. Jayne had learned well, it seemed, from Simon’s ministrations and he tasted the first few bittersweet drops of precome on the back of his tongue only moments later.

That wasn’t what he was going for though, so he reluctantly pulled away. Simon panted and lifted his hips when Jayne mouthed his balls next, giving them a thorough tongue bath before moving on down and licking at his perineum. 

Simon nearly came right then and there.

When Jayne’s tongue licked over his entrance, however, he had to wrap his fingers around the base of his erection to keep from spiraling over the edge. Jayne merely smiled and pressed his tongue inside, causing Simon’s fingers to tighten and a soft whimper to drift from his lips.

Jayne took his time, opening Simon with his tongue, then his fingers. Jayne was actually surprised at his own patience, but Simon wasn’t. He’d known it was there all along. 

When Simon was ready for him, Jayne pulled away, removed the pillows, grabbed the lube from the nightstand and stretched out beside Simon. His fingers played over the doctor’s flat stomach and then wrapped around his erection again, stroking firmly. “Roll over for me,” he said, catching and holding Simon’s gaze.

Simon nodded, then turned and rested his back against Jayne’s chest. He only had to turn his head a little to have his lips enveloped in another kiss and his upper leg lifted as their tongues met. Jayne reached down and rubbed the slick head over Simon’s hole, lined himself up, and then held onto his hip. He slowly pushed forward, cursing softly under his breath as the head of his cock met with resistance at first; then Simon opened up to him, and just like that, he was inside his lover for the first time. 

His hand moved to rest on Simon’s stomach, feeling him breathing far faster than normal, long, slender fingers coming to rest over his own. “I’m good, Jayne,” Simon whispered. “Don’t stop.”

Jayne groaned again and pushed forward, stopping only when he was buried to the hilt. He fought the urge to move and concentrated on Simon then. He let his fingers roam, tweaking a nipple here, caressing a hip there, finally drifting down to stroke that hard, weeping shaft again, causing Simon’s inner muscles to clamp down around him. 

Both men moaned at the same time and Simon’s head fell back to rest on Jayne’s shoulder. Jayne started moving then, slow, even strokes, each one deeper than the last, Simon’s body opening up before him in ways he’d never imagined possible. His lips stayed busy marking Simon’s bared neck, teeth scraping over the throbbing artery, and his hands never rested. He worked every part of Simon possible as he moved. He knew now where that tiny bundle of nerves that set him on edge was and had no trouble finding it with the tip of his cock. 

Jayne kept them both on edge for as long as he could stand it, stopping when either of them got close, wanting to make it last forever. Finally, Simon was begging him to keep going, and he was more than happy to comply. This time, when the column of flesh in his hand began leaking over his fingers, and Simon was meeting him thrust for thrust, he didn’t stop. He let his thumb brush over the head of Simon’s shaft and thrust in harder and deeper, hitting his lover’s prostate dead on rather than brushing over it as he had been doing. Simon was gripping the arm around him hard enough to leave bruises, then dug his nails in with a loud moan when he came. He cried out Jayne’s name and felt his release spurting up onto his chest, then looked down to see it dribbling over those thick, still-stroking fingers as he came a second time.

His inner walls tightened around Jayne, who was coming only seconds later, unable to hold back even if he’d still wanted to. He spilled deep inside Simon, burying his face against the warmth of Simon’s neck as he did so, the muffled sounds of his cries sinking into warm skin and making Simon feel like the luckiest, most loved man in the world.

Jayne held on too hard as he came, hard enough so that it almost hurt, but that was fine. Simon wanted that, wanted Jayne to need him, to hold on to him for dear life, the same way Simon felt he was holding on to Jayne every minute of every day.

He smiled when he felt Jayne’s lips on his neck again and softly murmured endearments he’d never heard before ghosting over his ear. His eyes were already heavy and he fell asleep shortly after, with Jayne’s softening length still inside him and more than one whispered, “I love you,” breathed across his skin.

~*~

Chapter 9 About Time

~*~ 

Six weeks later…

Jayne’s knee rested against his own as Simon reached for an ear of corn out of the dozen they’d managed to find back on Diades. They’d found a good job there, delivering something legal for a change, and the payoff was good for everyone. They’d all chipped in and bought plenty of food and were enjoying the fruits of their labor with the best meal they’d had in months.

Simon looked around the table as everyone talked, studying each of his crew mates one by one.

Book sat next to him, serene and smiling, looking as if he belonged there as well as he would belong behind any pulpit. He was shaking his head as Mal told yet another story about the war, this one about a man whose toupee had been shot all to hell but who wore it anyway.

Next was Inara, who was looking at Mal with a fondness Simon had always seen there, but now it seemed more open and inviting, like she was no longer trying to hide it. Her laugher was ladylike and proper, just like Inara, but she looked happy, like she was comfortable even sitting next to the shepherd as well as anyone else might.

Mal sat at the head of the table, eyes crinkled at the corners as he spoke, the memory of the horror of war muted in favor of entertaining his crew. Much of what he said was likely only a figment of his imagination, but he told the stories so well, no one really cared.

Wash and Zoe sat next to Mal, laughing with him and stealing a kiss or two here and there. Every so often, Zoe would lean over and whisper something in Wash’s ear that would make him squirm uncomfortably, and Simon thought he had a good idea just what she was saying…things that he could now say to Jayne without the slightest embarrassment and follow through on.

Then there was Kaylee, who was laughing so hard she ended up snorting a time or two, which only made everyone else laugh even harder. She was adorable, he thought with a smile, and had his interests been with women, he would have loved her as far more than a friend.

Simon’s gaze drifted past his sister to rest on Jayne and he was startled to find his lover watching him. Jayne’s smile was relaxed and easy, and he didn’t hesitate to lean over and let their lips meet. 

Jayne licked his lips when they pulled away and arched one eyebrow. “You taste like potatoes,” he grinned, then pulled Simon closer. “Think I’ll have seconds.”

Simon laughed into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Jayne’s neck as Jayne did just that…had seconds, and thirds. He leaned Simon back on one arm and was starting on a fourth helping when River suddenly spoke up.

“It’s about time you came back, Simon,” she said as if he’d just walked in the door after having been off on a long journey.

He relaxed back against Jayne’s arm as the words settled around them all, then sat up straight, feeling Jayne’s hand slide down to rest on his lower back. He blinked as he saw that everyone was looking at him.

River’s gaze was the most intent, and she wore a look he hadn’t seen in a long, long time. There she was, his beloved little sister. Had she been there all along, he wondered and he just hadn’t seen her, or had she been hiding and waiting for him to come back?

The room was dead silent as their gazes locked for long seconds.

“Kid, your timing sucks,” Jayne said, breaking the silence.

One by one, the crowd around the table started laughing, then the din picked up as Mal grinned in Simon’s direction.

“Welcome back, Doc,” he said, raising his glass. Then, as if he knew he shouldn’t make too big a deal of it, went back to his story.

As River smiled at him, and Jayne rubbed his back, Simon grinned as well.

It was good to be back, he thought happily. Good to be back, indeed.


End file.
